Sunday, December 21, 2008

The Tomb of Time

The Tomb of Time

Yes, the skeletons are reading Fall into Darkness and Scavenger Hunt. You know what I would have liked even more? If the skeletons were leaning against the MIKE gravestone from the Bury Me Deep cover. Eh?

Mr. Pike provided a short introduction to each story. Before The Tomb of Time, he writes that he loves end-of-the-world stories and thinking about what would happen if our world ended. As far as he can see it, there are advantages to the world ending. For starters, no deadlines, and no need to write these stinkin' introductions. Ha! Niiiiiice.

Now, about this story... recipes are popular. Wanna recipe?

The Tomb of Time

- 3 condensed gender-reversed chapters of The Star Group
- dash each of The Immortal, The Midnight Club, and The Visitor
- ½ The Eternal Enemy, blended with outer space

Combine and serve.

And here's how it turns out:

Girl (Shannon) lusts after guy (Joel) who doesn't know she's alive. Girl feels oddly connected to the past, even believing that she would have felt "more at home in ancient Greece or Egypt". Yeah, that has nothing to do with anything. But it's in there!

It's graduation day, Shannon's last chance to tell Joel how she feels. While walking to school, Joel's aunt Betty stops Shannon in the street. Betty has exactly one minute to tell Shannon that Joel talks about her all the time.

Shannon continues on to school, only briefly interrupted by a minor earthquake. At her locker, she sees Joel kissing some blond-haired strumpet. The skank writes something in Joel's notebook, then leaves. And there's another wee little earthquake.

In class, Shannon finishes her chemistry exam, and then thinks about the girl she saw with Joel. She looked familiar, like someone Shannon knew in the past. Well. How about that. Are you surprised???

At lunch, the soon-to-be grads have a water balloon fight. Joel hits Shannon with a balloon, telling her, "You made such an appealing target." Shannon replies: "I'm not that fat." Ok, hold up. Wrong answer, wrong sentiment, wrong conversation. I love how, like, fatties are the only good water balloon targets. The fact that this story takes place at Sweet Valley High should have been advertised better.

The two kids sign each other's yearbooks. Shannon writes a rather forward message that Joel is sure to make lasting contributions in the field of science (Hawt!) and that he should call her sometime. Joel writes "Best Wishes (Nawt hawt).

Shannon is a goody-goody and actually goes to gym class. She changes and everything! It's the last day of school, Shan. Don't be lame. On the field, she practices some zen archery (oh, Pike!), and meets a little girl, Joel's niece. She's got one minute to make sure that Shannon knows Joel talks about her ALL THE TIME. Aaaandd then... there's another earthquake.

Suddenly, an arrows shoots from parts unknown and pierces the little girl through the chest.

Shannon runs to find help, and spots Joel. She tells him that his niece is dying on the archery field. Joel doesn't have a niece, or an aunt Betty, but he comes back to the field anyway. The girl's body and blood are gone from the grass. Joel's response: "You have a nice life, Shannon." Awkward. Oh my God, he thinks she's totally cracked! So much for calling her this summer.

After her sanity was questioned, Shannon goes home and naps. Yeah, there mighta been a dream. Whatevs. She wakes up to "the business end of a shotgun" being held by the mysterious kissing blond. Shannon looks closely at the girl... she has Shannon's face! But with better hair!

The girls says: "I'm the third you that you met today." The aunt and niece were really other versions of Shannon who harnessed the power of the earthquakes to travel from 55 million years in the future to make sure Shannon and Joel got together. They need to eventually marry, as Shannon's future wifely encouragement will cause Joel to invent some hyperspace thing that will stop the world from ending.

But this blond fake Shannon is from a race of negatives who want the world suffer and are gonna kill Shannon and Joel. Shannon's reaction: "This is confusing... Why do you bother telling me all this?" I hear you, sister.

The girl tries to shoot Shannon, but the gun backfires and blows her own hand off. Shannon strikes with a fireplace poker and kills her. An exact twin of Shannon appears and tells her to be nice to Joel.

The phone rings and Shannon and Joel have a very confusing and hostile conversation, because this event is being erased from their minds as they speak. They hang up, and Joel calls straight back, wanting to know if they'd made plans or something, because he was gonna call her but he can't remember now if he did or not. And they decide to go for ice cream! Awwwww!!!


Deathycat said...

That one was kind of weird. I have no memory of though I know I must've read it. It's not on your list of ones you've blogged but you need to add a dash of See You Later to the recipe. ^_^

LongWinter said...

Ah, yeah, you're right. The whole "You two gotta get together or else!" thing.

Fear Street said...

My brain hurts...

zanne said...

Interesting. I know I never read this. Seems confusing.

Anonymous said...

I've read both the Tales of Terror books. It's your basic Pike formula: This would be a good story if not for ancient aliens. Or future ancient aliens.

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