tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-57348390956982185522024-03-21T02:53:03.162-03:00Like PikeBlogging Christopher Pike novels - because that's what I continue to do.Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06672093730049923294noreply@blogger.comBlogger61125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5734839095698218552.post-9959632989284850652010-02-01T18:36:00.001-04:002010-02-01T18:37:50.971-04:00Christopher Pike Fan ClubSo, I would imagine that Christopher Pike is enjoying the income generated by his newly renewed fame. On da flip side, he's been a hella private guy over the years. In order to accommodate his millions of new fans/old fans who totally forgot about him for a decade or two, there's a <a href="http://christopherpikefanclub.com/">fantastic fan club site</a>. <div><br /></div><div>Click & see many excellent Mr. Pike facts, including a bio provided by answers.com, & a Q&A with many great details, such as:</div><div><br /><div>* he's gonna sell out and write more Last Vampire stories! Money, money, money, money! MOOOONNNEYY!</div><div><br /></div><div>* he likes <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0773262/">Dexter </a>(squeeeeee!!)</div><div><br /></div><div>* he didn't write <i>Seedling</i>, the advertised sequel to <a href="http://likepike.blogspot.com/2008/09/cold-one.html">The Cold One</a> because he didn't have time. I like to think that I went back in time & changed the future by maybe beating him with a pipe wrench until he agreed to, like, not inflict that shit on paying customers.</div><div><br /></div><div>* he wishes he could re-write <a href="http://likepike.blogspot.com/2008/11/grave.html">The Grave</a>, which I've been thankfully able to block from my cognitive memory. I had to re-read the post on that one for a refresher. It was delightful. Hence why my grade 8 yearbook blurb as chosen by my peers says that my hobby is laughing at my own jokes. </div><div><br /></div><div>* there's a LINKS section, which I am dying to get into... maybe if I bought a proper domain? Or would he take a hit out on my ass? </div><div><br /></div><div>Also, this exists:</div><div><br /></div></div><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/_oXz7nI8wrc&hl=en_US&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/_oXz7nI8wrc&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>For those of you who are like me & are "too busy" to click on videos, there's a teen girl getting ready for bed in the bathroom. Her zany underweared sleepwalking brother comes in with a knife. Other stuff happens for about 30 seconds. She goes to her room & reads the end of <a href="http://likepike.blogspot.com/2008/07/remember-me.html">Remember Me</a> & says, "Remember Me? Forget you!" and tosses the book aside. An actor playing Christopher Pike comes in and menaces her, then throws her out the window saying, "It's Christopher Pike, bitch!" and she's, like, dead on the pavement. So, that's a pretty bizarre ode to this guy. </div><div><br /></div><div>So, what are you saying? Gonna join the fan club? </div>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06672093730049923294noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5734839095698218552.post-53889485246868719192010-01-30T18:03:00.001-04:002010-01-30T18:04:24.217-04:00Thirsty for more Pike?<div>Apparently Last Vampire is cool again?</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCm0PEGkVZGlMhvw4z8Tp6G0lQcvrxOpYyvN593P6Mg65gPAPD4TUFOJeb7pQ84quQiFAZz_rmm3WfT7BvrqnCnAYuKZDaJMBl7WmHpPviOhu7Beq2UKEhAKbQcRSVLEhCGZqDmxbaBv0/s1600-h/41arVWoJu9L._SL500_AA240_.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCm0PEGkVZGlMhvw4z8Tp6G0lQcvrxOpYyvN593P6Mg65gPAPD4TUFOJeb7pQ84quQiFAZz_rmm3WfT7BvrqnCnAYuKZDaJMBl7WmHpPviOhu7Beq2UKEhAKbQcRSVLEhCGZqDmxbaBv0/s320/41arVWoJu9L._SL500_AA240_.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5432648670613867954" /></a><br /><br /><div><br /></div><div>Yeah, I started noticing last summer that some of my <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/">Goodreads </a>buds had this Thirst compilation on their to-read lists. An investigation seemed necessary. Are Twihards stooping to this old-ass <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hexalogy">hexalogy</a> to fulfill their need for vampire novels aimed at teens? And if so, why didn't High School Musical renew any interest in <a href="http://likepike.blogspot.com/2008/07/last-act.html">Last Act</a>, DAMMIT?! </div><div><br /></div><div>What's totally annoying is that back in '08 I made a hexalogy of visits to used book stores looking for a copy of Red Dice. If I had known I could simply order it from Amazon in '09, I would have retroactively not went into that one shop that was a maze of book-stacks piled to the ceiling with the creepy shopkeeper who kept crowding me toward a tiny closet filled with canned goods at the back of the store.</div><div><br /></div><div>So, um, I guess I have to mention the blogging coma? Or can we just forget about it? Maybe I'm here alone now... is anybody listening? Ohoh, no reply at all. Ok, I'm rocking Genesis lyrics from '81. You totally have to love me. Or hate me. Or forsake me. All valid options. </div><div><br /></div><div>Maybe give me a few weeks to get my shizzle together & get back into it & we'll talk then?</div>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06672093730049923294noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5734839095698218552.post-74042780662965114532009-05-25T11:22:00.001-03:002009-05-25T11:24:34.964-03:00The Tears of Teresa (Tales of Terror #2)<div><br /></div><div align="center"><u>The Tears of Teresa</u><br /></div><br /><div align="center"><em>from</em></div><div></div><p align="center"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNCzOIAMCXr-x3QqhRFEkdLrX4ayPoz3-Mb3uSdQfWAyjyrmg_LAS_07Ulb6F6c7JQgLu9zuo5R8if_O5ZNwSYrbumnf0iz8bBZbZ8LVyaaTu8ebL54fp_oIs7sEOXVlrWBtHCeWdHyj4/s1600-h/2tt.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5284924096801054946" style="width: 126px; height: 200px;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNCzOIAMCXr-x3QqhRFEkdLrX4ayPoz3-Mb3uSdQfWAyjyrmg_LAS_07Ulb6F6c7JQgLu9zuo5R8if_O5ZNwSYrbumnf0iz8bBZbZ8LVyaaTu8ebL54fp_oIs7sEOXVlrWBtHCeWdHyj4/s200/2tt.bmp" border="0" /></a></p><p align="left">In Christopher Pike's introduction to this story he says that his greatest fear is becoming paralyzed, and that Christopher Reeve's memoir <em>Still Me </em>was partially the inspiration for <strong>The Tears of Teresa</strong>.</p><p align="left">A man and woman come home from a late movie. Their 18 year old daughter is sleeping, and they sit in the kitchen talking for a little while. Suddenly, a figure rises out of the pile of dirty darks in the adjoining laundry room. The guy comes into the kitchen and forces the couple outside to their car at gunpoint. </p><p align="left">Next, we meet Max, a 20 year old reformed high school nerd who recently avoided a life crisis using <em>"gentle persistence and an occasional flash of anger"</em> to convince his pregnant girlfriend, Teresa, to get an abortion.<br /></p><p align="left">Since the abortion, Teresa has been traumatized and unable to sleep. She hears a baby boy crying all night long. Max wants to give her money so she won't be so stressed out from college and her job, but he works for his father and good ol' Dad keeps hardcore control of all Max's money.<br /></p><p align="left">Max decides that he'll take Teresa on a trip to Las Vegas to help her unwind. He invites along his BFF David and his girlfriend Sandy to be buffers between Max & scary, cry-y, nightmarey Teresa, but Dave declines.</p><p align="left">Meanwhile, the woman and man are still being held at gunpoint by the unknown man in their car. The woman drives, while the kidnapper sits in back. She tries the "I have to pee" routine, but does it half-assed. She didn't go for the gold with "I have my period"/"Do you like blood and piss?" I guess that wouldn't work because she's driving her own car and he's, like, sitting in the back, and hence wouldn't really be affected.<br /></p><p align="left">Teresa & Max have a great time in Vegas, until Teresa decides she wants to get married. Like, now. Max eventually agrees, and a drunken preacher performs the ceremony. Back in their room, Teresa wants to shower before consummating the marriage. Max stands on the balcony to clear his head in the night air. Suddenly, a hammer attacks his back, and some mystery being gives him the big boot over the balcony railing!!</p><p align="left">Back to unknown woman, man, and kidnapper: the guy viciously ties up and beats his captives. He takes out a knife. He has the right to harm them... because of Max.</p><p align="left">Max is semi-conscious in the hospital. A crying baby is hanging out next to him. He hears Teresa and his BFF Dave, and, man, are they plotting. 1! No abortion. Teresa's still pregnant. 2! Dave and Teresa planned this fakeass marriage/murder to get at Max's money when Max's dad realizes that Teresa is having Max's baby. 3! Max is awake enough to hear everything, and let them know he heard, but then he dies. 4! The crying baby grows up to take revenge on Dave and Teresa by kidnapping them as they get home from a movie 20 years later. Oh yeeeeah, this thing is going full circle.<br /></p><p align="left">So, even though Max dies, he WOULDA been a cripple if he'd lived, and that is the fate that Teresa and Dave have earned for themselves. But I have a question for the 20 year old baby man: Max's dad didn't give them any money, AND Dave raised Max's kid as his own... does that not count for anything? Past Baby/Future Crippler totally doesn't wanna hear it. He knifes both their spinal cords, and leaves Teresa and Dave to rot.<br /><br /><br />Anyweegie, still working on Last Vampire sextiligy. Sextology? <span style="font-style: italic;">That</span> doesn't sound right... the rest of the Last Vampires. Those books don't read themselves. Uh, I read them. Right. So, those are coming up later in the week, along with some Pike short stories starring the fabulous <a href="http://likepike.blogspot.com/2009/03/master-of-murder.html">Marvin Summers</a>! Ok, he's not that fab. He was kind of a dumbass, but whatev.<br /></p>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06672093730049923294noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5734839095698218552.post-7351194912731934482009-05-17T15:54:00.001-03:002009-05-17T20:07:45.429-03:00The Last Vampire<div align="center">This time someone is hunting her....<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-FMAWENAHdkxne68wkLtCLwoXCYL7pm2vk-vb-ikn3UgcC8TEy3d64N3qCYCpr3SJnmP5KBTz2CrBjEe2yre1pQac9w44oShX7b07GFp8DaqVO5hlUwMxnoPetQoIZuXUpnYEHfD5XJk/s1600-h/IMG_0002.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5336827561505127346" style="WIDTH: 250px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-FMAWENAHdkxne68wkLtCLwoXCYL7pm2vk-vb-ikn3UgcC8TEy3d64N3qCYCpr3SJnmP5KBTz2CrBjEe2yre1pQac9w44oShX7b07GFp8DaqVO5hlUwMxnoPetQoIZuXUpnYEHfD5XJk/s400/IMG_0002.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /></div><div align="center">She thought she was the last vampire.<br /></div><br /><br />The Last Vampire - Christopher Pike<br />1994, 193 pages<br /><br /><br /><u>Vampires</u><br />Alisa <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Perne</span> - older than you, stronger than you, smarter, faster, <em>better</em> than you, and she's seen <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">waaay</span> cooler stuff<br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Yaksha</span> - born of a demon<br /><br /><u>Mortals</u><br />PI Mike Riley - a detective investigating Alisa<br />Ray Riley - Mike's son<br />Seymour <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Dorsten</span> - school nerd with a secret<br /><br /><u>Other</u><br />Krishna - yeah, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Krishna">that Krishna</a><br /><br />Alisa was born in 3000 <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">BCE</span>. She was originally called <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Sita</span>, but she uses a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">crapload</span> of aliases in the book, so I'm sticking with Alisa because... that's what I'm gonna do. When Alisa was 7, a disease, pretty much swine flu times a million, infected her village. Her best friend <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Amba</span>, who was 14 years old and 8 months pregnant, died of the disease - along with lots and lots of other people.<br /><br />A dark priest shows up with an idea. Everyone is in a panic, so they listen to his shit even though they <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">woulda</span> ran his ass outta town straightaway under normal circumstances. His hypothesis is that a demon brought the disease & they have to get rid of the demon.<br /><br />They decide to use <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">Amba's</span> body for their ceremony. She wakes up, except she's a hideous demon with a ridiculously long tongue, which she uses to lick the skin off of the priest's face.<br /><br />After she lays back down dead, her stomach is still moving. The gathered townspeople have different ideas about what to do. Like, it's a baby. But it's probably evil. Except what if it's not, how would you feel then, <em>murderer</em>? Anyways, they take the baby out and it's a boy! Alisa names him <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">Yaksha</span>.<br /><br />Years pass, and Alisa is now 15. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">Yaksha</span> is 8, but he's the same size and intelligence as she is. Actually, he's the most beautiful, generous, and smart person in the village - and only 8 years old!<br /><br />Suddenly, the townspeople who were there when <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">Yaksha</span> was born start to disappear, one by one. There were 5 nobodies, Alisa's dad, and Alisa, who had snuck/sneaked into the ceremony. When Alisa's dad was the last man left, he asked <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">Yaksha</span> to please leave town. He was creeping people out. Soon after, both Pops and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">Yaksha</span> went missing.<br /><br />So, time passes. Alisa grows up and meets a guy, Rama. They get married and have a baby, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">Lalita</span>. It's all good until one night when <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">Yaksha</span> shows up. He pretty much immediately makes it clear that he's not only a violent creep, he's evil too.<br /><br />He gives Alisa two choices: 1) Join him and become <em>like him</em>, or 2) Watch her family die, and then be killed as well.<br /><br />So, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">Yaksha</span> is a jackass and she hates him, but clearly she's gonna have to go with him. He performs a blood-mixing, which gives Alisa a crazy orgasmic reaction, as well as turning her into a vampire. It's like <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">Yaksha</span> is her god now. Sorry, Vishnu, you're like totally forsaken.<br /><br />You know the catch though. Alisa needs blood to survive. And she doesn't wanna go there. She becomes weak and tortured, until <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">Yaksha</span> brings her a half-dead boy whose veins are already open. It's too easy, and she succumbs.<br /><br />Another 50 years pass and the vampire colony starts hearing a lot of rumours about a guy, Krishna, who can slay demons and grant bliss. The whole "slay demons" thing puts off most of the vampires, but <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">Yaksha</span> is still young and cocky and he wants to check Krishna out.<br /><br />The vampires march toward Krishna's 'hood. Nearly there, a brutal bow & arrow attack takes out most of the vampires, but the survivors keep moving. They meet Krishna's #1 babe, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">Radha</span>, in the woods and take her hostage. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22">Yaksha</span> threatens to kill her unless Krishna will go one-on-one with him. Krishna agrees, but he wants to choose the type of combat.<br /><br />Krishna challenges <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_23">Yaksha</span> to a flute duel. Yeah, the woodwind. They have to play for control of a pit of snakes. Like, keep them away from yourself and make them attack your opponent. The deal is that if Krishna wins then <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_24">Radha</span> lives and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_25">Yaksha</span> must take a vow of Krishna's choosing. If <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_26">Yaksha</span> wins, he gets to keep <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_27">Radha</span> for whatever purposes he pleases.<br /><br />So they play. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_28">Yaksha</span> is good, but Krishna is magical. He wins. He has private words with <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_29">Yaksha</span>, and then speaks to Alisa. He promises her his protection and grace if she never makes another vampire. And remember, <em>where there is love, there is grace. </em><br /><br />It becomes clear pretty quickly that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_30">Yaksha's</span> vow had to do with killing all of the vampires he'd made. Alisa flees, and lives a fun and colourful life throughout many times and places in history. Until the present.<br /><br />Shit gets stirred up when a private investigator, Mike Riley, calls her to his office. He wants to know what her deal is. She's one of the richest people in the world. She's only, like, 18 years old but she's got deals and investments going back decades. She owns property all over the world. What gives?<br /><br />Alisa kind of freaks out when Mike won't say who hired him to investigate her and totally kills the guy. You know, she's got the reflexes of the mother of all cats. Which is the goofiest description since <a href="http://likepike.blogspot.com/2008/09/eternal-enemy.html"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_31">Rela</span> said her smile was a bar of white chocolate</a>. Just before Mike took his final breath, he told Alisa that a man named Slim hired him. Seriously though, he was under extreme duress. Not only was his chest crushed and he was about to die, Alisa was threatening a picture of his son.<br /><br />After setting up a new ID, Alisa poses as a transfer student and goes to all of Riley Jr.'s classes. He may have info she can use, plus that picture of him was pretty cute. She meets him in history class. Hey, did you know that Alisa was in France during the Revolution when Marie Antoinette was guillotined? But Alisa's been shot, hanged, and even crucified on four separate occasions. God, I didn't know she was a one-upper. Marie Antoinette <em>died</em>! I think you can let her win this one.<br /><br />In gym class, Alisa makes the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_32">acquaintance</span> of Seymour <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_33">Dorsten</span>. That's a lame name, but I could accept it... <em>until</em> I read that he wears that style of glasses that makes it look like you've got humongous freaking elephant eyes. It <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_34">shoulda</span> been Seymour <em><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_35">Dorksten</span></em>. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_36">Hahaha</span>. Alisa suggests changing his name to "Marlboro", or "Slade", or "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_37">Bubba</span>". Because these are all cool. (?)<br /><br />Seymour gives Alisa <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_38">deja</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_39">vu</span>. They're connected somehow. She can sense that his blood is sick and that he doesn't have long to live. She guesses it's AIDS.<br /><br />Next Alisa has biology with Ray Riley. She asks him if he will help her move her furniture into her new place tonight. He doesn't really want to, but eventually agrees. Alisa notices that he has the same spirit in his eyes as Rama, her beloved husband.<br /><br />Ray shows up at 10 PM to help with the furniture. Alisa gets an idea to seduce him in the hot tub. God, Christopher Pike was into that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_40">waaayy</span> before <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blind_Date_(U.S._TV_series)">Blind Date</a> made it popular. "<em>Many men and women have swooned just from the brush of my lips</em>", so Alisa doesn't expect to have any problems getting into Ray's drawers.<br /><br />But wait! First, hey, Ray, don't you think you should call your dad and tell him where you are? This is a different tactic. I guess Ray's dad is "out of town" on a case, but he hasn't called in a few days. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_41">Hmmm</span>, wonder what's up with that. Yo, Alisa, any ideas?<br /><br />Alisa suggests that they go to his dad's office to check his computer and see what cases he's working on, and then maybe Ray can figure out where he is. Ray's down with the idea, so they go. In the office, "<em>the computer is equipped with a mouse.</em>" <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_42">Oy</span>. Ray boots up the system. When Alisa spots the file with her name on it, she fakes fright at a nonexistent noise and sends Ray to go check on it.<br /><br />She jams the door and copies the files onto floppy disks before erasing most of the contents of the Alisa <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_43">Perne</span> file. After she lets Ray back in, he looks at the computer files for a few minutes, then Alisa plays tired and asks to be taken home.<br /><br />Alone at home, Alisa reads the file. Riley's contact was called Slim, but only a Swiss fax number is included. There's no other info about him. She writes him a fax offering to meet somewhere. They arrange to meet at the pier... tonight... alone.<br /><br />At the pier, Alisa waits until a man and woman approach her. Armed creeps surround the pier. Slim wants to take Alisa for a drive. From his behaviour she figures he must not know she's a vampire, so she decides to go along with stuff until she can meet <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_44">Slim's</span> superior.<br /><br />The captors are pretty tough, but stupid. Alisa tricks them with the old "I have to pee... and I have my PERIOD!!!!" lie, and then kills a bunch of them when they stop at a gas station. She lets Slim live just until he describes his boss... it's <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_45">Yaksha</span>!<br /><br />After disposing of Slim, Alisa calls Seymour <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_46">Dorsten</span>. At her request, he brings a change of clothes to her and then drops her off at her home.<br /><br />Alisa thinks that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_47">Yaksha</span> may try to get to her through Ray, so she gets him and brings him back to her place. They finish what they started earlier in the hot tub and it's <u>awesome</u>. It's almost dawn, and Ray sleeps all day. Alisa has a gun, but knows that it won't stop <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_48">Yaksha</span>.<br /><br />When Ray wakes, Alisa tries to send him away for his own safety. He's better off away from her. He won't leave, so she tells him that she killed his father. And that she's a 5000 year old vampire. And that she knew Krishna. Krishna is protecting her, but also devastating her by making her lose Ray. Ray isn't protected, and should totally leave before shit gets ugly.<br /><br />But it's too late. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_49">Yaksha</span> shows up outside, playing the flute. Alisa approaches him. He explains that he is tired and wants to die. And to die with Krishna's grace, he must kill all the vampires. But if Krishna is protecting Alisa, she's going to have to break her word to him and make a vampire so <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_50">Yaksha</span> is justified in killing her.<br /><br />Alisa isn't going for it, but <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_51">Yaksha</span> wasn't making a suggestion. He plays a note on his flute that shatters the window Ray is standing next to in the house. Ray topples out and falls 60 feet to the cement driveway. His head is crushed and his back is twisted, but he's still alive. Alisa has only one way to save him: mix their blood and make him a vampire.<br /><br />While Ray rests, Alisa visits Seymour. She tells him all about herself. And that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_52">Yaksha</span> will be coming back at dawn to kill her and Ray. Seymour has an idea to make it look like they will all die together, but actually she and Ray will survive. Alisa runs with it and concocts a dynamite plan to coordinate 2 separate explosions: the first to throw herself and Ray clear of the second, killer blast to take out <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_53">Yaksha</span>.<br /><br />Seymour tells Alisa that he got AIDS from a tainted transfusion after an accident. Alisa mixes a portion of her blood with his, hoping it will heal him without turning him into a vampire. Or killing him. That would suck, too. Suck. Vampire. Well, <em>I</em> liked it.<br /><br />Alisa spends the night preparing her plot. Ray is like a "<em>vampire on acid</em>", all mesmerized with his newly sharp senses. When <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_54">Yaksha</span> arrives, Alisa shows him the explosives. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_55">Yaksha</span> is down with all of them getting blown up at once. The fuse has a 3-minute timer. Like Boggle. While they wait for it to burn down, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_56">Yaksha</span> turns on Alisa and says that he knows what she's up to. Alisa begs <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_57">Yaksha</span> to let Ray live. He's so young.<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_58">Yaksha</span> realizes that Alisa loves Ray, and that the only reason she agreed to go with him so many years ago was because of her love for Rama and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_59">Lalita</span>. Where there is love, there is Krishna's grace, so <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_60">Yaksha</span> shoos them out of the house before the detonation.<br /><br />But - whoa, dude - a piece of shrapnel from the explosion pierces Alisa through the heart as she flees. Ray tries to pull it out. Alisa feels so much pain and love, and maybe she'll die. But maybe she won't.<br /><br /><br />So, what's up? I liked this book better than I remembered. One thing I don't like is my long weekend being all rainy and cold. People who live in civilized climates have no idea how awesome they have it. In other words, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_61">brrrrrrr</span>. But anyway, I believe I promised many Last Vampires in rapid succession, so I'm outta here.Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06672093730049923294noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5734839095698218552.post-61635409875667430862009-05-12T14:34:00.000-03:002009-05-12T14:43:10.416-03:00Coming up: The Last VampireBlog, I have not forsaken you! Here's the deal: I think I last posted sometime in March? Since then I've lost 30-ish lbs, which is cool and fun. But it was hella time consuming to have to learn about vegetables and pedometers and stuff.<br /><br />Hey, how about I show you a picture of my cat, and we can all just forget about the months-long lapse in posting? OK?!<br /><p align="center"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCnXld8vicII2zWGtGkoib8P6mDAaTT5vH_SJgFiIenGnDe2R6HV8xluaA9_udKxsFOh7Pqs7UqPQHqDAqI5tp297L9RxLUirwX1BlrV2xijwHPVmRU33Zow85SYrWrdnIdA08uVVV9JA/s1600-h/Picture+001.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5333211819752392610" style="width: 320px; height: 240px;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCnXld8vicII2zWGtGkoib8P6mDAaTT5vH_SJgFiIenGnDe2R6HV8xluaA9_udKxsFOh7Pqs7UqPQHqDAqI5tp297L9RxLUirwX1BlrV2xijwHPVmRU33Zow85SYrWrdnIdA08uVVV9JA/s320/Picture+001.jpg" border="0" /></a></p><div align="center">Actually, she looks depressed in this photo. I think she's got SAD. So... are we cool now?<br /></div><br /><div align="left"></div>Back when I started blogging, I realized I only had Last Vampire 1 and 2 and 5 and 6. & I seriously don't think I've ever read 5 or 6. For years, I waited for the middle third to turn up at a yard sale or used book store before I cracked #5.<br /><br />So, here's my newest plan yet. I'm gonna use my long weekend (it's <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Victoria_Day_%28Canada%29">Victoria Day</a>!) to knock all six of these Vampire muthas offa the to-read list. Which is probably a lot harder on the head than simply celebrating the monarchy. And, yeah, I know what you're thinking: "Ease yourself into that shit, sister!" But, no. I've been a doucheblogger, now I have to make up for it.<br /><div> </div><br />All right, I'll be back with some Last Vampire this weekend! Ciao~<br /><div align="left"></div>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06672093730049923294noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5734839095698218552.post-4029264005620160852009-03-12T20:12:00.000-03:002009-03-12T20:13:48.691-03:00Master of Murder<center>He wrote about his own murder...<br /></center><center><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDG7CaJEHid4T7tAHrHkNI-mi7Cl8UTyxr6ibCirx26DbdzV-OeOrXRBAVX4LQo2IbYTy2AN_VKW02UEgb_zYoLZiD1KC5TQQcG4uRcV8zbwFlqEg499bO_O1FueuifOf_iHad8Jkfiew/s1600-h/IMG_0001.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5312423255237683506" style="WIDTH: 247px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDG7CaJEHid4T7tAHrHkNI-mi7Cl8UTyxr6ibCirx26DbdzV-OeOrXRBAVX4LQo2IbYTy2AN_VKW02UEgb_zYoLZiD1KC5TQQcG4uRcV8zbwFlqEg499bO_O1FueuifOf_iHad8Jkfiew/s400/IMG_0001.jpg" border="0" /></a></center><br /><center><u>No one knew he was famous.</u></center><br /><p> </p><p>Master of Murder - Christopher Pike<br />1992, 198 pages<br /><br /><br /><u>Peeps</u><br />Marvin Summer - AKA Mack Slate, beloved mystery author<br />Shelly - object of adoration<br />Triad - Try-add? Tree-ade? Anyway, he's the Sir Jockenstein of this book<br />Harry - Shelly's former boyfriend and Marvin's rival. Dead guy.<br /><br /><br />Get this: Marvin's a famous mystery writer... but no one knows he's famous! Ha ha, *wheeze*, now he can sit smugly by while his classmates go apeshit about the books he's written. Oh, that Marvin! From the sounds of things, his mystery series is <b><a href="http://likepike.blogspot.com/2008/08/fall-into-darkness.html">Fall into Darkness</a></b>, written in the style of <b><a href="http://likepike.blogspot.com/2008/10/final-friends-book-1-party.html">Final Friends</a></b>, with a Nancy Drew-style title: <i>The Mystery at Silver Spring</i>, per the back cover, <i>Silver Lake</i> in the book's text. And the kids love it, let me tell you. It's like Harry Potter and Twilight combined. But with sex! Lots of sex.<br /><br />So, Shelly. Marvin really likes Shelly. <i>"Shelly had hair and she had skin - both lovely."</i> Opposed to the bald skeletons in Bio class, I bet she looks pretty good? Or just other, uglier girls with un-lovely hair and skin? Man, Marv, you're making them feel so damn un-lovely/loverly (for British Like Pike reader/maybe reader<i>s</i>?).<br /><br /><u>Flashback to the events of one year ago</u>: Shelly is dating Harry. Buuuut, she decides to go out with Marvin - five times! And then Harry turns up dead in the river after being missing for 3 days. It's ruled a suicide by police but, man, if this happened in my life, I'd be totally suspecting... someone else.<br /><br /><u>Flashforward to the present</u>: Marv stops to talk to Shelly after class. She's been sort of dating deceased boyfriend Harry's best friend Triad. Despite this, she agrees to a date with Marvin. Oh. My. God. Shell. Did you learn nothing at all from the events of one year ago?<br /><br />Poor Marvie has the typical sad-sack family life. Like so many YA novel families of the past, there's an alcoholic mother who never leaves the couch, an alcoholic absent father who only shows up every couple months to rough Marv up, and an adorable little sister who is wise beyond her years.<br /><br />In order to keep his sack of shit parents from stealing his Mack Slate fortune, only Marv's little sister, Ann, knows he writes books. No one else in the world, not even his agent, knows that he's a high school kid. Fo real? Mack Slate is mythically famous. Kids talk about him in class. They wonder if he's tall and dark, or blond with a matching pretty blond wife by the ocean. He's an enigma... I wonder what his "About the Author" says.<br /><br />So, Marv and Ann spend a lot of time reading fan mail that his agents sends to him at an anonymous post box. Check out these excerpts from fangirl "Becky":<br /><i>"...you are really god and we are all just characters in your stories..."</i><br />aaaaannnnnd, a pervy story about a dream (ack! no!) she had where she was in the school showers, and Mack Slate came in wearing a tux and had sex with her.<br /><i>"You were like the devil 'cause you were so forceful, but it was so good, the sex, that you were like God as well."</i><br /><br />Ok, girlfriend, you're skeeving me out. I wonder if Mr. Pike used to get this quality of fan letter. No time to ponder because Marv (and, yeah, I am the only one calling him that) has received a locally mailed letter saying only: "I KNOW WHO YOU ARE." Say whattt? No one knows who Mack Slate really is... unless someone does. You will not believe how little this whole letter plot adds to the story. Truly, it will blow your mind.<br /><br />So, Marv's secret is out AND his deadline for the sixth and final Mack Slate novel passed months ago and he has no clue how to end the series. The story goes like this: Town treasure Ann McGaffer (yes, the dead girl in his novel is named after his own little sister) has been found dead by murder. Someone in Skank Spring/Lake is responsible. Her skanky best friend? Her skankalicious boyfriend? Her skankalicious boyfriend's skanktastic best friend? Her skankass brother? Her skank dad? Her skankariffic male confidante/fuck buddy? There are so many orgies in the plot, I can't even tell you who was doing who (or whom?).<br /><br />It's date night for Shell and Marv. They go out on Marv's motorcycle. He falls asleep in the movie theatre. Marv, man, this is your date! If you're bored, think of how Shelly feels. Think of how <strong>I</strong> feel!!</p><p>Later at Shelly's, they make a bubble tub in the Jacuzzi and make some jokes about how un-gay they both are, and then make out. . Romantic! Last train to Sexin'town... until Shelly breaks down and tells Marv that Harry (her dead beau) didn't commit suicide - he was murdered!<br /><br />Marv can't solve his own murder story, which ridiculously mirrors Harry's real-life death so much that Marv woulda had to be psychic or something when he wrote it, so he decides to spend the weekend demolishing the shoddy police investigation into Harry's "murder"/murder.<br /><br />Anyweegie, Marv ends up doing crazy shit like dreaming about his Silver Lake characters, visiting the old man who found Harry's body, fist-fighting with his pisshead dad, and getting more anonymous fan letters saying "SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU THE WAY YOU THINK SHE DOES" and "THEY ARE PLOTTING TO KILL YOU AS YOU READ THIS."<br /><br />He drives to Shelly's to, like, see what's up. And finds her bubbletubbin' with Triad! That bastard! Marv dies in a ball on the floor of his own soul, then cries for hours while driving his motorbike. The wind will dry his tears. </p><p>No, really, it will. It's in the text. Page 113.<br /><br />Just because he's at the point of all things obsessive, Marv goes back to the bridge where he suspects Harry died. I have no clue why he's doing favours for Shelly NOW, but, hey, that's Marv. He pretty much works up a reasonable theory that Harry hung from a rope off the side of the bridge, based on rope burn evidence on Harry's jacket and broken blood capillaries in his legs from hanging for an extended time.<br /><br />And oil stains on his hands! ZOMG! That's it! Harry was lying in wait over the side of the bridge, after dumping oil everywhere and putting a rope across the lane. When Marv came by on his motorcycle, Harry was gonna use his own weight or something to raise the rope into a clothesline/tripwire and kill/injure Marv, and then hide the rope so it looked like the oil spill did Marv in. Ooohh, evil. But Harry got trapped in the rope over the side, and eventually fell to his death. Or hung to his death, and then fell.<br /><br />Having solved Harry's accidental death to his own satisfaction, Marv decides that he will write the end of his novel series... as soon as he kills Triad.<br /><br />So, one thing I didn't tell you about Triad is that he's after Marvin's bike. He's made several offers, and Marv finally decides to take him up on it. Cuzzz the best way to kill a guy is to copy the way a different guy tried to kill you but ended up accidentally killing himself. And you know what? This whole book people were talking about how smart Marv is.<br /><br />Jockstrap Triad buys the bike, and Marv sets him up to have to drive across the deadly bridge and back to get the helmet.<br /><br />Marv does the lying-in-wait thing with his rope and oil trap all set. It's awesome, man. Until... he notices that Shelly is on the back of the bike! There's no way he can go through with it. He realizes that Harry had done the same thing one year ago.<br /><br />Triad stops the bike, and a fight erupts. Well, he pretty much shows Marv what he thinks of people who try to kill him with a fake-oil-slick-and-clothesline combo. Marvin realizes that just like in his story, the boyfriend's BFF wanted the heroine for himself. Triad killed Harry! Triad wouldn't think twice about killing Marv! Traid would probably freaking kill Shelly so no one else could have her!<br /><br />Shelly chooses now to reveal that she's the one who knows Marvin's author identity. B-b-but how? Actually, who cares? Triad's about to commit a mass massacre. Bunch o' action: everyone nearly falls off the bridge, Triad beats up Marv and even bashes Shelly's face offa the bridge railing. Triad grabs Shelly and holds a knife to her, but Marvin don't even care. He steals Triad's new-previously-owned motorcycle and leaves.<br /><br />So, then Marv goes to finish his book, <i>The Mystery of Silver Lake VI: Night of Grief.</i> Having escaped becoming a murder-by-jock-involving-bridge statistic, he's feeling pretty cocky. He calls his agent and tells him to book a big reveal and author reading at Sesa High - his very own high school!<br /><br />He takes the stage, to complete silence and astonishment from the audience. He makes a speech and whatever. Shelly doesn't show up. Neither does Triad. Maybe he's in <i>triage</i>? Come on, gimme somethin'!<br /><br />Shelly meets Marv at the bridge and tells him that she thought that HE was the one who killed Harry, because his books told the story so exactly. And she knew he was Mack Slate because she broke into his house and looked on his computer. Anyways, she won't tell what happened to Triad after Marv left them on the bridge, but let's put it this way: he was never seen again.<br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8t9DBRxwi85WMVBFGN4j-uxvguPDTrNoE_-de8cDewr4spI919DkrcNIC7MkdmPMobzJJ3eWenpzmYQdt9zBYfIqtB5t8NX1lIZVOuF6Blh8ghy2XQa50ZFlVtA-cZDv8bbm3Sf0UCVk/s1600-h/IMG_0002.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5312441830493647586" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 124px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 200px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8t9DBRxwi85WMVBFGN4j-uxvguPDTrNoE_-de8cDewr4spI919DkrcNIC7MkdmPMobzJJ3eWenpzmYQdt9zBYfIqtB5t8NX1lIZVOuF6Blh8ghy2XQa50ZFlVtA-cZDv8bbm3Sf0UCVk/s200/IMG_0002.jpg" border="0" /></a><br />Oh, and check out this sleazy leg art meant to entice readers. </p><p>And I'll thank you to <em>not</em> check out the pudding stain directly above the sexy leg. </p><p>Thanks to everyone who stuck around/returned. I'm a knob, and I know it. I just got really into knitting this winter. Which is a poor excuse, but at least it's not jigsaw puzzles. I'll get the "Coming Up Next"-majig going again in the side bar once I'm all organized. See you soon!Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06672093730049923294noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5734839095698218552.post-33254109649716687152009-03-05T09:01:00.000-04:002009-03-05T09:02:15.192-04:00No Excuses.Back next week.Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06672093730049923294noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5734839095698218552.post-44052779467058153762008-12-23T15:05:00.000-04:002008-12-23T15:05:40.276-04:00The Thin Line<div style="text-align: center;"><u>The Thin Line</u><br /><br /><i>from</i><br /></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIdzZtAk1L554olJVZx5YT5O0LObx0a-pIc3tyqrTRPnYo_JFG2tN3D-3BVRc-JrwWIRfqJaXe5iyYqZPoNuZZ01bk7gMxk0ep3HOWECNtoCR1n1_iEIIpVTAcQe0rSi9ZF-PhC7AAX1U/s1600-h/2tt.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 126px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIdzZtAk1L554olJVZx5YT5O0LObx0a-pIc3tyqrTRPnYo_JFG2tN3D-3BVRc-JrwWIRfqJaXe5iyYqZPoNuZZ01bk7gMxk0ep3HOWECNtoCR1n1_iEIIpVTAcQe0rSi9ZF-PhC7AAX1U/s200/2tt.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5283055877130223154" border="0" /></a><br /></div><br /><br />Mr's Pike's intro:<br />He started this story shortly before the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonesboro_massacre">Jonesboro massacre</a>, and it was weird for him to see the stuff he was writing about showing up on TV. He says that he's often been asked if he worries about his violent tales inspiring copycats, but he says no, because his heroes have strong moral centres. He also has a beef with the cover art of his novels. He doesn't like the scary covers that the publishers keep choosing; he'd like to see a beautiful painting with his name above it.<br /><br />The story:<br />So, our buddy Tim Klane is a high school basketball player. And he's good. Actually <span style="font-style: italic;">"damn good"</span>. And he even <span>looks</span> good. He describes himself as 6-foot-2 with shaggy dark blond hair, and <i>"eyes as blue as a gloomy Monday morning." </i>And the ego of a poet, apparently.<br /><br />Everything is all good until the day that he realizes his cosmic ownership of a certain girl in school: Jane, a popular cheerleader AND the coach's daughter. They go out for a while, and one night after a date they fall asleep on the living room floor at her place. Coach finds them together in the morning and goes apeshizzle. He tries to attack Tim with various living room accessories, and forbids Jane from seeing Tim anymore.<br /><br />Tim still attends basketball practice, until one day when Jane's ex-boyfriend, Tim's teammate Steve, bumps into Tim while he's airborne making a dunk. Tim goes down hard and ruptures 4 vertebrae and breaks his tailbone. When the coach comes to check on Tim's injury, he hints that it wasn't an accident...<br /><br />During two months of recovery, Tim doesn't hear from Jane at all. He is depressed and angry. The day before he is going to return to school, he empties his bank account and buys two guns on the black market. Tim acts like such a psycho while he's buying the guns that he makes the black market gun dealer uncomfortable. Yikes.<br /><br />After school, basketball practice and cheerleading practice are scheduled in the gym. Which is mondo-convenient for Tim, who wants to take out all of his enemies at the same time. He chains the gym doors shut and starts menacingly showing off his weapons. Jane's ex, and the causer of Tim's injuries, Steve, tries to talk to Tim, only to be shot through the thigh. It's apparently pretty gory. In fact, it's so gross that Tim can't go through with his plan of killing everyone. Too much blood.<br /><br />Jane was supposed to be one of the first to die, but she approaches Tim and isn't even afraid when he rams the gun up under her chin and screams in her face. She didn't visit him in the hospital! She didn't call! Does he mean nothing to her?!? No, she says that he is still her boyfriend.<br /><br />The cops show up outside and call to see what Tim's demands are. Poor guy didn't even really realize that he was holding hostages. But he pulls it together quick and demands a half million dollars and a van to take him to a plane. He chooses five hostages to take with him, including Jane and her father, the coach.<br /><br />In the plane, he forces the hostages to put on parachutes and prepare to jump. Jane tells Tim that she loves him, and even though he hates her, he loves her too, and asks her to jump with him. They land safely with all the ransom money intact.<br /><br />Jane and Tim got plastic surgery to change their faces, rented an apartment, and had a whole life together. Tim's attack on his school was a big news topic, and they would sometimes see interviews with the survivors on TV. Steve had had his leg amputated after the shooting. All the hostages from the plane survived, but the pilot did not. He hit a tree when he jumped from the plane and broke his neck.<br /><br />Even though they were free from trouble, had loads of money, and each other, Jane and Tim lived with horrible guilt. Tim felt that Jane was even more burdened that he was, because she had chosen to share his guilt. As time passed, Jane became reckless, often stepping into traffic, or standing at the very tippy-toe edge of the subway platform.<br /><br />Four years after they'd jumped from the plane together, Jane tempted death for the last time. She was struck and killed by a bus. After the funeral, Tim went home to his mother, who didn't recognize him until he spoke. Tim had made a killing on the stock market, and decided to divvy up all his money and leave half on Steve's doorstep and half on the dead pilot's family's doorstep.<br /><br />Lastly, Tim stopped at the high school gym and found Jane's father, the coach, shooting hoops alone. The coach offers him a game of one-on-one, without recognizing him. Tim has lived in horrible agony from his back injury and hasn't touched a basketball since the the day he was hurt. Despite that, he leads the coach, 9 to 3, until the pain overcomes him and he collapses, crying. The coach helps him to the bench, and says it's too bad Tim can't finish the game; he was about to win. Tim says that they are both losers, and thinks <span style="font-style: italic;">"Jane is dead. We both killed her." </span>and decides not to tell the coach that Jane is dead.<br /><br />The End.<br /><br /><br />So, I overestimated my free time this week - friggin' Christmas eve is tomorrow! Whaaatttt?! - so the rest of the Tales of Terror will be posted on the weekend or next week. Hopefully everyone is gonna be too busy having holiday fun to be reading silly blogs anyway! Have a good one, everybody!!Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06672093730049923294noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5734839095698218552.post-40598521480638187302008-12-22T19:53:00.003-04:002008-12-22T19:55:56.713-04:00Bamboo<div align="center"><br /></div><div align="center"><u>Bamboo</u><br /></div><div align="center"><u></u></div><div align="center"><br /></div><div align="center"><em>from</em></div><div align="center"><br /></div><em></em><p align="center"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDogbUBazXI4GgmcnhnlWjbeEjAZ86_BRZRdtp0HyKJHdBPj25sce3LGAYo8GgSY1LmWM5Y79dR7PJItccBNmlcfIame0Zis2hk_xi2dZB0f4VhgjUjGqPrI86t6U9_OG-KuKCMxnK1Ts/s1600-h/2tt.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5282753957954868322" style="WIDTH: 126px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 200px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDogbUBazXI4GgmcnhnlWjbeEjAZ86_BRZRdtp0HyKJHdBPj25sce3LGAYo8GgSY1LmWM5Y79dR7PJItccBNmlcfIame0Zis2hk_xi2dZB0f4VhgjUjGqPrI86t6U9_OG-KuKCMxnK1Ts/s200/2tt.bmp" border="0" /></a></p><br /><br /><u>The Intro</u>: Mr. Pike confesses that this story a) didn't take long to write, b) is strange, c) he enjoys strange things, and d) strangest of all, his novel <a href="http://likepike.blogspot.com/2008/09/visitor.html">The Visitor</a>, which he acknowledges as being universally unpopular, is on his Top 5 of all time list. The one with the grave-humping? Really? The <em>grave-humping</em> one is your favourite, sir?!? Um, ok... on with tonight's story, then!<br /><br />Three children - Gary, Teri, and Mark - grow up as best friends. They're also very close to their neighbour, Mr. Shambu, a man from India. Mr. Shambu plants bamboo and tells the children stories in his spare time.<br /><br />One story goes like this: Five thousand years ago a guy was born into India's highest and most religious caste. But this was no normal guy. He was a demon. (Or "demond", as my boss says.) As a youth, he killed a bunch of animals and stuff. When he was 16, his parents got him a wife, who he also murdered.<br /><br />Guy went to trial, but not before going into some kind of demond-anger-rage and killing both his parents. One of his sisters helped him escape and hide in the woods, but his other sisters turned him in when they found out.<br /><br />He was beheaded and his soul was to walk the earth forever. Except his loyal sister found a way to put his soul into bamboo shoots, which popped and released his soul.<br /><br />So, later in life, Mark falls in love with Teri. But - you guessed it! - she's dating Gary. Teri and Gary get married after high school, and Gary joins the marines. He dies in an explosion on his first mission.<br /><br />At Gary's funeral, Teri tells Mark that she is four months pregnant, and that she never had a chance to tell Gary. She doesn't feel like she's able to be a mother. Mark tries to convince her that things will be ok, but that night Teri overdoses on pills and goes into a coma.<br /><br />Mark goes back to university for 2 years, while Teri is still comatose in the hospital. After his graduation, he visits Teri and removes her breathing tube. After she dies, Mark goes to the field where Teri had overdosed and sets the place on fire. All the bamboo in the area pops and Mark feels relieved that Teri and Gary will be free.<br /><br /><br />Yeah, so that's, uh, a story. I didn't dig it too much, but props for having an actual Indian guy tell India stories. Up next: a school shooting goes all DB Cooper on us; a cult of witches wreak havoc; and home invasions, abortion, and torture collide.Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06672093730049923294noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5734839095698218552.post-69757894388546686562008-12-21T18:58:00.005-04:002008-12-21T19:06:25.716-04:00The Tomb of Time<div align="center"><br /><u>The Tomb of Time</u><br /></div><div align="center"><em></em> </div><div align="center"><em>from</em></div><div align="center"><br /></div><p align="center"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5xwxvld_Rom380sAOYUivVnYBAiwzjug2gYXULdoENRtXLfTBm6zTPrE42FVSywqEM9WIdpHFCjPJRXdOGw79s_pQA4iI0FX7emlURbQ4S0jkkJpn6vg3u7jGtbUES3FM4iDw2zjxh8o/s1600-h/2tt.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5282358840314309506" style="WIDTH: 126px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 200px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5xwxvld_Rom380sAOYUivVnYBAiwzjug2gYXULdoENRtXLfTBm6zTPrE42FVSywqEM9WIdpHFCjPJRXdOGw79s_pQA4iI0FX7emlURbQ4S0jkkJpn6vg3u7jGtbUES3FM4iDw2zjxh8o/s200/2tt.bmp" border="0" /></a></p><br />Yes, the skeletons are reading <a href="http://likepike.blogspot.com/2008/08/fall-into-darkness.html"><strong>Fall into Darkness</strong></a> and <a href="http://likepike.blogspot.com/2008/07/scavenger-hunt.html"><strong>Scavenger Hunt</strong></a>. You know what I would have liked even more? If the skeletons were leaning against the MIKE gravestone from the <a href="http://likepike.blogspot.com/2008/08/bury-me-deep.html"><strong>Bury Me Deep</strong></a> cover. Eh?<br /><br />Mr. Pike provided a short introduction to each story. Before <strong>The Tomb of Time</strong>, he writes that he loves end-of-the-world stories and thinking about what would happen if our world ended. As far as he can see it, there <em>are</em> advantages to the world ending. For starters, no deadlines, and no need to write these stinkin' introductions. Ha! Niiiiiice.<br /><br />Now, about this story... recipes are popular. Wanna recipe?<br /><br /><div align="left"><strong><u>The Tomb of Time</u></strong><br /><br /></div><div align="left">Ingredients:<br />- 3 condensed gender-reversed chapters of <strong>The Star Group</strong><br />- dash each of <a href="http://likepike.blogspot.com/2008/10/immortal.html"><strong>The Immortal</strong></a>, <a href="http://likepike.blogspot.com/2008/12/midnight-club.html"><strong>The Midnight Club</strong></a>, and <a href="http://likepike.blogspot.com/2008/09/visitor.html"><strong>The Visitor</strong></a><br />- ½ <a href="http://likepike.blogspot.com/2008/09/eternal-enemy.html"><strong>The Eternal Enemy</strong></a>, blended with outer space<br /><br />Combine and serve.<br /><br />And here's how it turns out:<br /><br />Girl (Shannon) lusts after guy (Joel) who doesn't know she's alive. Girl feels oddly connected to the past, even believing that she would have felt <em>"more at home in ancient Greece or Egypt"</em>. Yeah, that has nothing to do with anything. But it's in there!<br /><br />It's graduation day, Shannon's last chance to tell Joel how she feels. While walking to school, Joel's aunt Betty stops Shannon in the street. Betty has exactly one minute to tell Shannon that Joel talks about her all the time.<br /><br />Shannon continues on to school, only briefly interrupted by a minor earthquake. At her locker, she sees Joel kissing some blond-haired strumpet. The skank writes something in Joel's notebook, then leaves. And there's another wee little earthquake.<br /><br />In class, Shannon finishes her chemistry exam, and then thinks about the girl she saw with Joel. She looked familiar, like someone Shannon knew in the past. Well. How about that. Are you surprised???<br /><br />At lunch, the soon-to-be grads have a water balloon fight. Joel hits Shannon with a balloon, telling her, <em>"You made such an appealing target." </em>Shannon replies: <em>"I'm not that fat." </em>Ok, hold up. Wrong answer, wrong sentiment, wrong conversation. I love how, like, fatties are the <u>only</u> good water balloon targets. The fact that this story takes place at Sweet Valley High should have been advertised better.<br /><br />The two kids sign each other's yearbooks. Shannon writes a rather forward message that Joel is sure to make lasting contributions in the field of science (Hawt!) and that he should call her sometime. Joel writes "Best Wishes (Nawt hawt).<br /><br />Shannon is a goody-goody and actually goes to gym class. She changes and everything! It's the last day of school, Shan. Don't be lame. On the field, she practices some zen archery (oh, Pike!), and meets a little girl, Joel's niece. She's got one minute to make sure that Shannon knows Joel talks about her ALL THE TIME. Aaaandd then... there's another earthquake.<br /><br />Suddenly, an arrows shoots from parts unknown and pierces the little girl through the chest.<br /><br />Shannon runs to find help, and spots Joel. She tells him that his niece is dying on the archery field. Joel doesn't have a niece, or an aunt Betty, but he comes back to the field anyway. The girl's body and blood are gone from the grass. Joel's response: <em>"You have a nice life, Shannon." </em>Awkward. Oh my God, he thinks she's totally cracked! So much for calling her this summer.<br /><br />After her sanity was questioned, Shannon goes home and naps. Yeah, there mighta been a dream. Whatevs. She wakes up to <em>"the business end of a shotgun"</em> being held by the mysterious kissing blond. Shannon looks closely at the girl... she has Shannon's face! But with better hair!<br /><br />The girls says: <em>"I'm the third you that you met today." </em>The aunt and niece were really other versions of Shannon who harnessed the power of the earthquakes to travel from 55 million years in the future to make sure Shannon and Joel got together. They need to eventually marry, as Shannon's future wifely encouragement will cause Joel to invent some hyperspace thing that will stop the world from ending.<br /><br />But this blond fake Shannon is from a race of negatives who want the world suffer and are gonna kill Shannon and Joel. Shannon's reaction: <em>"This is confusing... Why do you bother telling me all this?" </em>I hear you, sister.<br /><br />The girl tries to shoot Shannon, but the gun backfires and blows her own hand off. Shannon strikes with a fireplace poker and kills her. An exact twin of Shannon appears and tells her to be nice to Joel.<br /><br />The phone rings and Shannon and Joel have a very confusing and hostile conversation, because this event is being erased from their minds as they speak. They hang up, and Joel calls straight back, wanting to know if they'd made plans or something, because he was gonna call her but he can't remember now if he did or not. And they decide to go for ice cream! Awwwww!!! </div>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06672093730049923294noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5734839095698218552.post-84357905868016186532008-12-21T13:06:00.003-04:002008-12-21T19:03:18.840-04:00Pre-Tales of Terror #2<div align="center"></div><div align="center"> </div><div align="center">Joys and evils to savor. </div><div align="center"></div><br /><div align="center"></div><p align="center"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2YovamynAMlItvlohNOKASMsfM1no-55L9PaHrwdffy_-0a-l87P6IsrqC779RsNpBVArbEFuR3WggNI7mAsDLGRCCUXw15oAJMyib_riwSSCf4y2GkLsLHgtQBTvRR13QO5HgraRwV0/s1600-h/2tt.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5282291436563052802" style="WIDTH: 240px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 381px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2YovamynAMlItvlohNOKASMsfM1no-55L9PaHrwdffy_-0a-l87P6IsrqC779RsNpBVArbEFuR3WggNI7mAsDLGRCCUXw15oAJMyib_riwSSCf4y2GkLsLHgtQBTvRR13QO5HgraRwV0/s400/2tt.bmp" border="0" /></a></p><p align="center">The Weird and the Wonderful.<br /></p><p>1998, 207 pages<br /><br /><br />Some advice I got from a friend during the golden age of compact discs: Play a CD on random to see how good it REALLY is, without the corporately orchestrated song order manipulating your brain. I do the same thing with short story collections.<br /><br />I started <strong>#2 Tales of Terror</strong> on the second story, but not before flipping the pages and noticing that Mr. Pike himself wrote a short introduction to each story! OMG - his own words! Not storytelling, or his about the author paragraph, but REAL thoughts and opinions and information!<br /><br />Each story is like an unholy remix of several previous plots all crammed into 40 pages. It's as "Yikes!" as it sounds. I want to analyze it all properly, so every day this week check in for a post about a different Tale of Terror from this collection. </p><p>I hope you're totally in the mood to savor some evil, and to read some totally unexpected personal info about our beloved author. See you later today for the first story, <strong>The Tomb of Time</strong>.</p>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06672093730049923294noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5734839095698218552.post-26220076229324336632008-12-20T22:57:00.003-04:002008-12-20T23:08:50.918-04:00The Midnight Club<div align="center"></div><div align="center"></div><div align="center"></div><div align="center">Their stories became their lives...</div><div align="center"></div><div align="center"><br /></div><div align="center"></div><div align="center"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi63-mFAm27713IokuipdYSGLdxRcicqRgsEiydlMcEpfTCUy24PHxCvWKj1wRTolbXBg5tZo7RoXoWS5X4cHbjeJco7TeAdO5DSJiQMIeBNNWozTNyna0kx16JDNVW-RKYUT31XW_5Ydw/s1600-h/n11658.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5282034291429755618" style="WIDTH: 243px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi63-mFAm27713IokuipdYSGLdxRcicqRgsEiydlMcEpfTCUy24PHxCvWKj1wRTolbXBg5tZo7RoXoWS5X4cHbjeJco7TeAdO5DSJiQMIeBNNWozTNyna0kx16JDNVW-RKYUT31XW_5Ydw/s400/n11658.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /></div><div align="center"></div><div align="center"></div><br /><div align="center">They were all going to die. </div><div align="left"><br /><br />The Midnight Club - Christopher Pike<br />1994, 211 pages</div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"><br /><br /><u>Midnight Club Members & Corresponding Catchphrases</u></div><div align="left">Ilonka - <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099938/quotes">"It's not a tumour!"</a></div><div align="left">Kevin - "I'm boring, so I don't get one!"</div><div align="left">Anya - "It's not the cancer, I'm always a bitch."</div><div align="left">Spence - "You think you know me. You have no idea."</div><div align="left">Sandra - "See ya, wouldn't wanna BE YA!!"</div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"><br /><br />At Rotterham Home, a hospice for terminally ill teens, some residents formed a club to meet at midnight in the library to tell stories. Kind of like <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Are_You_Afraid_of_the_Dark?">The Midnight Society</a>, but with morphine.</div><br /><div align="left">All of the residents are literally in their death beds and are no longer being treated for their illnesses, only pain management is allowed per Rotterham's policy. Ilonka has a bunch of tumours, and is totally in love with Kevin. Ilonka's roomie, Anya, has bone cancer and has already lost a leg to it. </div><br /><div align="left">I found all this seriously depressing. Like, pain, and tiredness, and more pain, and dying, and - oh - shitty stories. I don't want to hear a bunch of amateurs tell stories. I never want that. Most people are not natural raconteurs. As for the rest of the club, there's Spence - he's got "brain cancer" and a shocking secret! (it's not actually brain cancer!!) - and Sandra, one who doesn't seem all that sick. </div><div align="left"><br />Kevin's other trait (yeah, one of his traits is being Ilonka's crush - he doesn't really have a lot going for him personality-wise) is that he's an <em>artiste</em>. And excuse me for getting angry, but he's the same motherfucking artist as Jerry in <strong><a href="http://likepike.blogspot.com/2008/09/visitor.html">The Visitor</a></strong>. Like drawing a skeleton in a spaceship in the desert and shit like that. I'm not impressed, but Ilonka loves it: <em>"Her heart skipped so high it almost crashlanded." </em>But she doesn't know why she loves Kevin, just that <em>"it had to do with the past. The ancient past." </em>Someone's gonna need to hold my hair if this thing takes a turn for the ancient-Egyptian-Indian-Master-on-a-spaceship-ier. </div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"><em></em></div><div align="left"><br />So, yeah, they all meet nightly for storytime, but first there's a ritual to be completed: hugging each member tightly and saying <em>"I belong to you." </em>Maybe I'm getting cynical, but I don't like that. And then it's storytime: </div><div align="left"></div><br /><div align="left">Spence regales with a tale of Eddie, a Vietnam vet who kidnaps his ex-wife to the top of the Eiffel tower and starts shooting people with a sniper rifle, only to find that his ex had a kid after they broke up! He's a father. Woo hoo! Celebratory shooting ensues, and when the police arrive, he blames it on his ex-wife, who is shot and killed by the police. And Eddie is free to meet his kid. Great ending, top notch.</div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"><br />Anya tells a story about Dana, a teenager undergoing a strict upbringing from her parents. She meets the devil, who agrees to clone her, so one of them can go have sex with strangers, do hard drugs, litter, and do whatever else the morally loose tend to do, while the other one stays at home and gets good grades. The devil's only stipulation is that Dana has to stay cloned for a minimum one year term. </div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"><br />Dana II goes to Los Angeles and meets a handsome stranger. And you know what? Dana One can feel everything that Dana II does. Yeah, I'm talking sex. Orgasms while watching Wheel of Fortune with her parents. Kinda like: "I'd like to buy a vowel. Can I get an O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh!!!" </div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"><br />Dana II becomes a cokehead, so it's just like Dana One is high or jonesin' ALL THE TIME. She goes to find her double, and when they meet they both pull guns on each other. One is killed and the other is crippled in the shooting. The devil pops up to tell the surviving Dana to kill herself. The end. The Midnight Club members protest the ending, but this little story was the only bit of the book that I truly liked. </div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"><br />Ilonka chooses to tell a story from one of her past lives. Kevin wants to know if any of the people present are in her past life. She lies and says no. Her story takes place in Egypt, 20650 years ago. Jeez, that's so precise, it just has to be true! Aaaaaannnd... I'm sparing you from the rest of it. Just trust me on this. There's a Master. I hate shit with Masters. Anyways, the main characters represent Ilonka and Kevin, cuz that's what things do in this book. </div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"><br />Kevin's got a story to top all stories. It's practically neverending. An angel named Hermes lives in the Louvre, painting copies of the masterpiece artworks all day. And he can never leave the Louvre. EVER! Then he meets a beautiful, young American tourist, Teresa. Hermes makes a deal with God to be able to leave the museum in order to take Teresa for a date, but he's gonna have to become human and lose all of his angelic advantages. </div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"><br />Before finishing the story, Kevin runs outta gas. He saves the end for another night, but really, guys, when you could all die at any minute, why risk it? Just finish the freakin' story. Cut some shit out if you have to. </div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"><br />Anya asks if there is life after death. The first person in the group to die should give a sign to the rest. I think they do a blood oath or something. Ilonka enjoys the <em>"pagan flavor." </em></div><div align="left"><em></em></div><div align="left"><em></em></div><div align="left"><br />The next day, Ilonka has a tumour scan at the hospital. As you know, that is against Rotterham policy. You are only allowed to die. You are not allowed to try to fix your problem anymore. She thinks herbs have shrunk her tumours. When she comes back, she finds Kevin's girlfriend Kathy waiting to visit him. Ilonka rips into her, telling her that Kevin's gonna die - SOON! And it hurts him to have to pretend to be OK for Kathy. So... hit the bricks and don't come back to Rotterham again. You know, for Kevin's sake. Nothing to do with Ilonka's own monster crush on him or anything. Whoa, evil. </div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"><br />So, the other storyline that coulda been interesting was that Anya once sculpted a statue of herself and her boyfriend Bill, together. He caught her sleeping with another guy and smashed the statue, breaking off Anya's right leg. Shortly after, Anya was diagnosed with bone cancer and needed her right leg amputated. Spooooky.<br /><br />Ilonka naps and dreams about the Rishi from <a href="http://likepike.blogspot.com/2008/07/remember-me.html"><strong>Remember Me</strong></a>. </div><br /><div align="left">She wakes up in time for the Midnight Club meeting. Spence opens the meeting with a story of a vengeful teenage magician who burns down his school gym during a basketball game. His assistant puns that the gym was filled with <em>"one thousand die-hard fans." </em>Ha. But that's not my favourite "burning gym" play on words. The gym in my hometown burned down a while ago and my brother came up with, "They worked out until they felt the burn." It's funny because no one was hurt. And because I have a comically bad sense of humour. And no sense of when to stay on topic. Actually, I was seriously morbid from reading about these young, cold, weak, sick, dying kids. I needed to cheer myself up with wordplay. </div><br /><div align="left">Tonight the meeting is a little different. Someone brought booze. I like it. Ilonka tells an ancient India story this time. Yeah, this crap was jam-packed with symbolism (I'm guessing... I'm a dirty, rotten skimmer). Kevin continues his story of Herme, the recovering angel. Anya asks him to finish it, but he's too tired to make it to the end.</div><br /><div align="left">The next morning, Ilonka finds Anya dead in her bed. Traumatizing! Not to mention that there's a rumour going around: someone's not terminal! And Ilonka just had new scans! She's pretty much celebrating until she sees Sandra packing a suitcase. No one at Rotterham has ever re-packed their shit before. Turns out that Sandra's Hodgkin's disease was misdiagnosed as a worse type than what she really had. And Ilonka still only has 2 weeks to live. Two weeks! <a href="http://yalitanddeath.blogspot.com/2008/03/im-sorry-2089-or-six-months-to-live.html">Suck it, Dawn Rochelle! </a></div><br /><div align="left">Ilonka is so stressed that the doctor gives her a shot. She dreams about Master. God, Pike, quit name-dropping Master all the mofo time. Just say that she had a dream about a certain young adult author with a massive ego who isn't R.L. Stine. </div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><br /><div align="left">When she wakes up, Kevin is with her. He also dreamt about Master and now he welcomes death. Ilonka asks to hear the rest of Kevin's angel story, because Anya didn't get the chance. Herme and Teresa moved to New York, but Herme really lost his awesomeness once he became mortal. He finds out Teresa is cheating on him, so he quits painting and becomes a taxi driver. Then he moves to Colorado (<span style="color:#ffff33;">??</span>) and becomes a park ranger (<span style="color:#ffff33;">???</span>) and falls in love with another park ranger (<span style="color:#ff0000;"><3</span>) and gets paralyzed during a forest fire <span style="color:#33ffff;">:(</span> and dumps his girlfriend <span style="color:#33ffff;">:(:(:(</span> and goes to med school (<span style="color:#ffff33;">???</span>) and becomes a doctor in a free clinic in Los Angeles (<span style="color:#33ffff;"><span style="color:#ffff33;">?</span></span><span style="color:#33ff33;">!</span>) where he meets his old love, Teresa (<span style="color:#33ff33;">!!!!!!!!!!!!!</span>1) who is some kind of crackhead now (<span style="color:#33ff33;">!</span>) and she has AIDS <span style="color:#33ffff;">:( </span>but he paints a picture of how beautiful she was in her youth, and she realizes that her doctor is Herme, and then she dies. At some point, I needed to quit saying: "What the hell, Colorado?" and just go with it.</div><br /><div align="left">Ilonka is in tears after the story, and wants to sleep with Kevin. Unfortch, he's too weak from his cancer to do anything, so they just sleep naked in each other's arms. In the morning, he says he loves her, then dies. </div><br /><div align="left">After Kevin's death, Ilonka visits Spence. She wants to know what was up with the booze at the meeting the night Anya died. Was it drugged or what? Spence confesses that he actually has AIDS, and had infected his partner, who died painfully from it. In order to redeem himself for causing his partner to die that way, he agreed to help Anya die with dignity. He drugged Ilonka, then smothered Anya in the bed next to her. </div><br /><div align="left">Ilonka tells Spence about a dream she had where Kevin offered himself to God to share any punishment Ilonka was going to have to suffer. But it was all about witchcraft and symbols and junk. You know how it is. She tells Spence that if he is punished in the afterlife, she will be with him and share the punishment, just like Kevin will do for her. </div><br /><div align="left">Shortly after, Spence slips into a coma and dies. Ilonka invites Anya's ex-boyfriend, Bill to Rotterham. She gives him the broken statue, but wait! It's not broken anymore. Love conquers all. Love fixes shit. Love is a many splendored thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love. Yada yada.</div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"><br />Lastly, Ilonka dies. Then there's the obligatory epilogue, which takes place on the Space Beagle III. Yeah, you know what I'm thinking. Space travelers "Eisokna" and "Karlen" are done monitoring the situation on Earth and are ready to go wherever they're going. <em>"Yes. I'm ready to leave."</em><br /><br /></div><div align="left">So, how glad am I to put this depressing pile on the "read" list? Um, <u>very</u>. This book managed to combine every single thing that I hate about Christopher Pike books into one book, and make it into a really long, morbid, depressing, soul-sucking heap. My Christmas wish is for friggin' spaceships to be delivered to the plot device landfill and never seen again. But we know better than that, right? </div><div align="left"><br />And tomorrow (or Monday - being a recovering slacker ain't easy), I'll have the totally random offering of <strong>Tales of Terror #2</strong>. </div>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06672093730049923294noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5734839095698218552.post-34842195482475596882008-12-18T15:50:00.002-04:002008-12-18T16:31:13.340-04:00I sheepishly peek back into Blogland...<div align="left">Remember Me? The Return.... to blogging... at <span style="font-weight: bold;">Like Pike</span>!<br /><br />It's been a while. So, jeez, <span style="font-weight: bold;">The Midnight Club</span>. That book could have been <span style="font-style: italic;">the book</span> that derailed this entire project. If I wanted to read a book of Christopher Pike's short stories, I woulda read freakin' <span style="font-weight: bold;">Tales of Terror #2</span>.<br /><br />You know, I would feel awful if I just put up a little inconsequential teaser post after all this time, so let's gab for a sec about something very important to me: celebrity look-alikes.<br /><br />Remember back when the internet was first getting popular and people were starting to chat and ICQ with people in other parts of the world?<br /><br />My male middle school classmates fell into a frenzy of chatting online with American girls. You know, "Gemini" from "Texas", and all that stuff. And every guy wanted to know what hot celebrity he looked like so he could tell the girl he was chatting with, and hopefully appear cooler than he actually was.<br /><br />The answer, "You look like a combination of <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001795/">JTT</a>, <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005080/">Andrew Keegan</a>, and Pauly Shore's detox ID" is a little harsh, so I usually said nothing.<br /><br />If <a href="http://www.myheritage.com/">myheritage.com</a> had existed then, I may never have had a chance to bring up Pauly Shore on this blog. Naw, I didn't sell out; I just think it's a cool site. You can upload a picture of yourself and it matches your face with celebrity look-alikes. I guess there's a Facebook app that does it now too.<br /><br />I tried it out a while ago with a family picture. My mom and my brother both had Peter Gallagher as the #1 match.<br /></div><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5233007900337809650" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; width: 161px; height: 196px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwECauDAf3Ti4HMmLMiisChymhIKWRejTfh6jvM-E0BmKxeAOegZfedr7WZo6GCwdSDze20xR5FeQERPbzzQfd_rxyaTWwVi4HE1iJWwtot_s_jchuV4eqAuXpWenatIMLk4nkXdazCx2t/s320/0000006853_20060920140115.jpg" border="0" height="215" width="200" /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><em>"OMG, Mom! You look like the dad on The OC!!!!"</em><br /></div><div align="left"><br />Oy. And me, I'm a combo of Kristin Kreuk from Smallville, and British jazzy-type singer Jamie Cullum. But you know who my one true celebrity look-alike is? Mindy Cohn. Natalie from <span style="font-weight: bold;">The Facts Of Life</span>. Her face at age 13 is pretty much the same face I've had my entire life. Check it out; just add naturally curly hair: </div><p><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5238470333572197554" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; width: 288px; height: 100px;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBRwmXrQSR1-kiaY4dZ-VlnnLqzA1PKOsgYRqq6TtVmiENzcATjyT_ep8kri0aMnbleJ_4P-BcZmwEnWMnHD4BgRrM7pEEQ0vZMsUkt85KHnhHZJzXdo6iviHzWyASnZ8yVwOC-ReZa-y6/s320/TRYIT+AGAIN.JPG" border="0" /></p><br />Thanks for sticking with me, you guys, and I hope to be back to some sort of regular posting schedule from now until I finish the Pike catalogue.<br /><br />This weekend come around for a double header of the ramblin'-esque posts that I'm sure everyone's been missing - featuring <span style="font-weight: bold;">The Midnight Club</span> on Saturday, and <span style="font-weight: bold;">Tales of Terror #2</span> on Sunday. Does the Christmas pre-weekend get any better than that? See you then!Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06672093730049923294noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5734839095698218552.post-13860715024377359762008-11-20T08:21:00.002-04:002008-11-20T08:26:02.801-04:00The Grave<div align="center"></div><div align="center">Eternal life, eternal death. </div><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5261051554329152210" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 243px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY-7U7V4vj7MHAC0TYfpbtMbW4L8xTyAkYWzL6MUjhwjHjLd3L8e-XDOWdHZTb-666mdaC3-I36f_tU1-_9VZT7KLOarvAN53JL458zHDZrINmXcCZMp87MAcB8V_hPqRsNTe-2ROIvAo/s400/n29895.jpg" border="0" /><br /><div align="center">The grave is not the end of the story.</div><br /><br /><div align="left">The Grave - Christopher Pike</div><div align="left">1999, 194 pages</div><br /><br /><div align="left">This thing is a disaster/failure/nightmare of the epically highest order. I don't even know how this book, <strong>The Grave</strong>, was allowed to happen. It's like: you read it, and you think you're down with it even though it sucks, and then there's a major whammy and you're all: "WT...F?"<br /><br />The book opens with 19 year old knob Ted meeting and dating Dara, who has permed long hair <em>"the color of simmering corn on the cob, invisible steam rising through blond curls".</em> How - who... I mean, whaaaa?? Only page two, and this prose is pukeworthy ALREADY. How'm I to cope? </div><div align="left"><br />After three dates, you know what it's time for... yeah, not that. I wish. Actually, three dates means a midnight hike to a "burial ground". What Ted doesn't know is that he's gonna be the one initiatin' this here burial ground. A gang of creeps attacks Ted, cutting his clothes with knives and ripping them off: <em>"Tearing was followed by atrocity - his pants and underwear were pulled down..."</em>. Ted's junk is atrocious? OMG, I love it! </div><div align="left"><br />Ted is covered in pig's blood, buried in a sealed coffin, and left to die. </div><br /><div align="left">Next we meet Keri, who works in a CD/DVD shop, where she meets Oscar. I'm just gonna tell you now that Oscar is the new incarnation of Ted, so you won't be surprised later.<br /><br />Their meetings at the shop included such conversation gems as: </div><div align="left">Keri: <em>"You're different from most of the guys who come in here."</em></div><div align="left">Oscar: <em>"I'm grave?"</em></div><br /><div align="left">Yeah, Oscar, you're <u>grave</u>. And from beyond the grave. I get it. *gags*</div><br /><div align="left">Keri already has a boyfriend, Clay, but it doesn't really work out with them. She wasn't that into him, actually. I only bring him up because he went to a movie one night while Keri was working. It was called <em>Kill the Cop</em> and starred rap star Chrome Shoes. Friggin' Chrome Shoes! Man, what were you smokin', Pike? I know it was 1999 and you couldn't keep mentioning David Bowie, but there's no need - there's NEVER a need - to call your "rap star" Chrome muthafuckin' Shoes. </div><br /><div align="left">So, Keri and Oscar go on a date. The destination: his place. That was fast. He's an artist, and he's totally colour-blind. He can only see black and white. He owns a boat, so he and Keri go sailing. After he "raises his mast" (you <em>know</em> what I mean), we're told that Oscar isn't human: <em>"No, Keri Weir did not understand that she'd just made love to death itself."</em><br /><br />After this, Keri experiences menstrual symptoms, but it's not near her special lady time. There's a cold ache in her gut. She doesn't have much time to worry about it, because later that day she is grabbed, drugged with a chloroform rag, and stuffed into the back of a car. </div><br /><div align="left">Since Keri was getting ready to meet Oscar for a date when she was grabbed, she's understandably not wearing any underwear. Go, Keri. Hawt <em>and </em>classy. Her captor pulls down her pants - OMG - more atrocity?! Nah, Keri doesn't have issues with her biz, and the guy is just injecting her booty with some kind of serum.<br /><br />The guy puts Keri into a grocer's freezer. It's not just for toaster strudels anymore! She realizes she's going to die. This freezer will be her grave, but... <u>the grave is not the end of the story</u>.<br /><br />Keri dies, then wakes up. She finds that she is super strong, ripping the door off the freezer. The grocery store is closed, so she helps herself to, like, 9 rotisserie chickens and some other assorted snacks.<br /><br />Outside the shop, a gang of hoods give her trouble. The leader gropes her chest, so Keri knees him in the groin. However, a superstrong knee to the groin shatters bone(r)s and ruptures organs. The guy bleeds out on the ground while his pals run off. Except for one, who Keri catches. She gets in his face and tells him to stop being a jackoff and to grow up to be a doctor... she'll be watching!<br /><br />In addition to being strong as hell, Keri can't cry, can't see colour, and can't <em>"know true unconsciousness"</em>. Eternal safety from comas!<br /><br />Keri remembers where she'd seen Oscar before - in the newspaper, as dead boy Ted. She goes to his place, where he's waiting with Dr. Gary Schelling to explain why they kidnapped her and left her to die with the Carvel ice cream treats and rising crust pizza.<br /><br />This whole dying-then-not-being-dead-anymore thing came about when Dr. Schelling, a geneticist, discovered a way to manipulate the human genome so people can live forever. Inject his discovery into someone, kill them, and they'll be on their way back just moments later, ready to live forever unless they are incinerated. Even if decapitated, a new head and brain will regenerate, but the brain cells will be different. Maybe even evil...<br /><br />The purpose of the experiment was to save his daughter, Dara, who was dying of leukemia. After her dose, she changed. She was evil. She dosed and killed her brother, Eric, who became evil too, and started an army of <em>"two dozen fiends."</em><br /><br />Oscar's post-death abilities include having a super smeller. When he met Keri, he knew she was fertile. He had impregnated her on the boat. Hiz jizz iz awesome, so there's no way it wouldn't find what it was looking for.<br /><br />Keri's metabolism is crazy-rapid now, which is why she needs to eat 24/7. Dr. Schelling tells her that her pregnancy will be only 9 days long.<br /><br /><em>"What followed next was like a scene from a bad movie." </em>I love how Christopher Pike himself sometimes had to acknowledge that what he was writing was, like, cheesy as hell. Oscar, Schelling, and Keri are hanging out when the door knocks. OMG - is it fiends? The guys grab some semis from the hall closet, just as Dara and her fiend goons bust in with their own guns.<br /><br />Oscar, Keri, and the Doc escape to Oscar's boat, but there's trouble in the air. Evil Eric is in a helicopter shooting at them. Can you just picture this? Dara captures Oscar and Keri and takes them to a cave in the desert, where they are to be held until Keri gives birth. Dara wants the baby. She calls it The Dark One.<br /><br />The baby arrives and proud parents Oscar and Keri decide to name him John, after both of their fathers. In just 20 days, he is full grown and <em>"built like a god"</em>. Dara still hasn't let them leave the cave, but does provide John with learning materials. He even uses the internet to learn stuff. When John asks for seeds, Dara brings them. John can make plants and fruit grow in the dark cave just by talking to the seeds.<br /><br />One day, there's a ruckus at the back of the cave. Dr. Schelling and the government have finally come to save them! They bomb the cave and Keri burns to real death.<br /><br />In the epilogue, Oscar speculates that John is an incarnation of Pan, king of the fairies, sent by God to save the rainforest.<br /><br /><em>"Humanity has polluted every corner of the globe. Maybe John will be able to fix the damage."</em> </div><div align="left"><br /></div><div align="left">After all the shit this book put me through... it's about the environment?!? I <em>hate</em> the environment. I do. It's <u>everywhere</u>, and it's always annoying me. Ohhhhh, the disappointment. It hurrrrttts!!! I don't know if I can go on reading these treacherous late '90s titles. My verdict: Pike should have quit life after <strong>The Midnight Club. </strong>Which probably isn't even as good as I remember it. Let's find out next week!</div>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06672093730049923294noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5734839095698218552.post-55165854337082969312008-11-18T20:37:00.005-04:002008-11-18T22:01:59.825-04:00Final Friends 3: The Graduation<div align="center"><u></u></div><div align="center"><u></u></div><div align="center"><u>The truth was neither black nor white... but a horrible shade of gray.</u></div><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5270160632444080930" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEit6bvREGt550zi1qnAiMzskiqr6yEivG5DbYp0Xe4396HrKDP-55lxcDgNj4VPExFMtfJpX0yv_huycgirBJMtt_hE7o7XXRXVeZuH2t0M_TAZMZTzYvmFyEykheaM6EiPwqDy6mFkHKI/s400/Picture+002.jpg" border="0" /><br /><div align="center"><u>It was his last chance to find the answer.</u></div><br /><br />The Graduation - Christopher Pike<br />1989, 238 pages<br /><br /><br />How about some recap to make up for the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">loooong</span> posting delay?<br /><br />Remember <a href="http://likepike.blogspot.com/2008/10/final-friends-book-1-party.html">The Party</a>? Alice "killed" "herself", but Michael thinks someone else was behind it. Blah, blah, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">shitloads</span> of other vapid dicks and bitches do stuff that matters not. Small detail I didn't mention that <em>may</em> be important: Alice's sister Polly (you remember, the fat one!) had undergone shock therapy as a kid after their parents died. You know, for her depression.<br /><br />After that, <a href="http://likepike.blogspot.com/2008/11/final-friends-book-2-dance.html">The Dance</a>. Poor little Hispanic Maria falls to her paralysis. But the float that collapsed under her may have been sabotaged for someone else, because there is no way in hell that anyone predicted that Maria was going to win Homecoming Queen.<br /><br />Now it's time for The Graduation. Mike is either lazier than <u>me</u> or the worst procrastinator ever because he's done NOTHING in the last seven months to find Alice's killer. Even though he's still obsessed over it. With enough credits to graduate, both Mike and Clair left school after first semester. So Mike's been doing nothing when there's a killer on the loose?? Come on, Mike, avenge your friend. And make it bloody. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Cuzzzz</span> that's what I like.<br /><br />Russ Desmond was sent to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">juvie</span> after the dance for allegedly cutting down a tree which fell on, and destroyed, the school snack shack. Sara is still school president, and is the only reason Jessica is graduating. Jess was so depressed from the double whammy of Alice's death, and then Maria, a friend she knew for, like, 6 weeks, saying that she hated Jessica and never wanted to see her again, that Jess stopped attending school after Christmas break and only by Sara bringing her assignments to her did she manage to graduate.<br /><br />Nick is a huge basketball hero and popular beyond his craziest dreams. Oh - and Polly! Polly is THIN. Hallelujah! The girl is thin. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Woooooo</span>!! And, like, depressed and insane, but that doesn't matter because thin people are perfect, don't forget.<br /><br />So, it's graduation day. Mike returns to school to give the valedictorian speech, and to harass Polly about Clark's whereabouts. Are you serious, Mike? Alice died in, like, October. It's <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">mofo</span> June! Polly doesn't have any info, other than the last time she saw Clark was after the dance and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Aunty</span> was dead in the house.<br /><br />Mike ditches Polly when he spots Jessica (wearing a green skirt and yellow blouse!) and starts stalking her around the courtyard like a "<em>frightened lowlife</em>". He hasn't seen her in months, but he still likes what he sees. Ow ow!!<br /><br />Oh yeah, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Kats</span> is at school too. He's a graduate scholar, except he's not even a student, and he's like 29 years old. I wonder if his parents got him something nice for grad? Bill Skater got a Corvette. Jess and Sara got matching trips to Hawaii. I think I got $100 for graduating. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Ohhhhhhhh</span>. My life sucks.<br /><br />Before the ceremony, Sara picks Russ up from the bus station. He has a weekend pass from <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">juvie</span> to go to graduation. Nick drives to the rehab facility where Maria has been living. After her accident, her family's illegal alien status was discovered and her parents were deported back to El Salvador. Once she is stable, she will be sent back too.<br /><br />The grad ceremony is underway. Mike gives his smartest-guy-in-school speech and, like, forces everyone in <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">attendance</span> to have a moment of silence for Alice... WHAT?? She went to this school for 3 weeks and she was in grade 9. And, as far as anyone knows, she wanted to die. Why would it ever be appropriate to hold a moment of silence for <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">friggin</span>' Alice? Mike needs to check himself hardcore.<br /><br />Jessica ends the ceremony by singing "Let It Be", while <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">Kats</span> becomes psychotic with anger for some reason. He wants to turn the grad cruise into a ghost ship. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">That'll</span> show them. Yeah. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">That'll</span> show them.<br /><br />After the ceremony, Mike heads straight to Alice's art teacher/sorta boyfriend/also Polly's former sorta boyfriend Clark's place. He'd been investigating Clark for some time, even paying people from Clark's high school for info. Mike tracks down Clark's address and decides that packing heat (for squares, that's "carrying a gun") is the best idea. Once inside, Mike accidentally reveals the piece ("gun") and Clark stomps the crap outta him.<br /><br />Shortly before the grad cruise ship is set to leave, Jessica and Sara take a trip to the pharmacy for contraceptives. Sara snagged them some private rooms so they can have some alone time (i.e. virginity losing time) with their guys. Um, I know Jess has been depressed, but what the hell? She wanted to bang Bill Skater, like, two books ago. What gives?? (If you don't remember, I'll tell you what gives... <em>later</em>.)<br /><br />Before the cruise, Polly visits Alice's grave. Clark unceremoniously shows up at the cemetery with a backpack full of bomb-making supplies and asks Polly to sneak him onto the boat. Polly warns him that Mike will stop him. Clark doesn't think so.<br /><br />Hey, remember how Sara lost all the student's council money that was supposed to pay for the Homecoming dance? And then she got <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">Bubba</span> to spot her the cash, in exchange for sex. Remember that? Well, apparently the bastard's been holding it over her for the entire school year, and now he tells her that he's gambled all the money she needs to pay for the grad cruise. On a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">mofo</span> basketball game. So she could end up with no money, and still have to sleep with <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">friggin</span>' gross-out <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">Bubba</span>. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">Ack</span>!!<br /><br />Sara tries to spend time with Russ, who she considers to be her boyfriend except he doesn't, like, know it yet. He's totally cool with just ignoring her though. God, the guys in this book! Each and every one = tools.<br /><br />Once the ship has sailed, lots of people start talking and doing stuff. Maria and Jessica talk, and it's not awesome, but it's not a fiasco either. Maria is more <em>distant</em> than flat-out hateful. Mike starts ditching people left, right, and centre. I think those boots to the head from Clark have affected his attention span. He talks to Nick for, like, 3 lines. He even walks away from Jessica. I think she was in the middle of a sentence. Then he goes to bug <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">Bubba</span> about the night of the party.<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">Bubba</span> confesses that he and Clair were in one of the bedrooms upstairs and that he got her pregnant that night. Since Clair's abortion, their relationship has gotten stronger. Now <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22">Bubba</span> and Clair are planning to get married in Vegas on the weekend. Um, I always thought Clair was competent. My mistake. Also via <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_23">Bubba</span>: Jess won Homecoming Queen, but <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_24">Bubba</span> switched it so Clair wouldn't be upset. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_25">Ooooh</span>!<br /><br />In one of the private rooms, Polly and Clark are hanging out. Polly is soaking in the tub wondering why Clark doesn't want to come in and look at her. She depressed because no one likes her even though she lost all that weight. That <em>would </em>be depressing.<br /><br />Polly cuts her wrist with a razor blade, and that's when Clark decides to peek in. Great timing, guy. He goes nuts and threatens to cuts out her eyeballs and tongue if she ever cuts herself again. He's so pissed that he throws a plugged-in hairdryer into the tub... while Polly's still in there!!! <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_26">Bzzzz</span>-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_27">zzz</span>-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_28">zzz</span>-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_29">zzz</span>!<br /><br />All the jocks, plus <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_30">Bubba</span> and Sara, have been glued to the TV showing the basketball game. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_31">Lakers</span> vs. Celtics, a grand 80s rivalry. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_32">Bubba</span> had told Sara that he bet on the hometown <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_33">Lakers</span>. And the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_34">Lakers</span> lost. Oh no! Sara drags <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_35">Bubba</span> outside. She's desperate. She needs money. Gotta have money, yo.<br /><br />Oh, but <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_36">Bubba</span> actually bet on the Celtics. That <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_37">Bubba</span>! Sara can pay for the cruise, what a relief. And now that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_38">Bubba</span> and Clair are so committed to each other, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_39">Bubba</span> doesn't want to cheat by collecting his fee (<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_40">ie</span>: blackmail booty call) from Sara. Sara is totally offended that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_41">Bubba</span> doesn't want to sleep with her. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_42">OMG</span> - so offended! It's the mannish way that she walks, apparently, that did <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_43">Bubba</span> in.<br /><br />Now that Sara's off the hook with <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_44">Bubba</span>, she wants to get wit' Russ Desmond even more. Sara and Jess invite the boys to their rooms with this ridiculous idea to be in the shower when the guys show up. There's no <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_45">resistin</span>' that. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_46">Nosiree</span>. Jess stood in the shower wondering "how long Bill would be". I think she meant minute-wise, but that is an awesome double-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_47">entendre</span>. Bill comes in, and promptly rejects all Jessica's advances. Bill = N.I., not interested. He blows up, yelling that he thought she was decent. He promises not to say anything to ruin Jess's reputation.<br /><br />Russ comes to Sara's room. They talk and find out that they <em><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_48">lurve</span></em> each other, but Russ doesn't want to just use Sara like he has so many other girls, so they don't have sex.<br /><br />It's 2 AM in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_49">partyland</span>, and Mike has hit rock bottom. He plays chess (at a grad party? <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_50">Laaaaaame</span>! They <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_51">shoulda</span> played some charades while they were at it!) and only draws. No win. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_52">Kats</span> is stalking him everywhere he goes. Bill Skater basically asks him out on a date. And when Mike goes to talk to Jessica, the whole scene seems like Jess and Bill had just been intimate.<br /><br />Mike is secretly, furiously disappointed. He asks Jess to sign his yearbook, and then tries to get the hell out of there. Jess makes him read her message: "<em>I love you, Michael</em>". Jess tells Mike about what just happened with Bill, and the pieces fall into place: "<em>Oh, God!... I've been trying to seduce a gay!...I am <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_53">sooo</span> dumb.</em>" These two deteriorate with laughter. They <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_54">friggin</span>' die. Jess and Mike are hysterical, all because Bill Skater is gay. Sorry, "a" gay.<br /><br />Jess teases Mike about Bill's crush on him. Mike's never kissed a girl before, and he's about to do a lot more than that. Jessica takes him into the shower to wash the blood out of his hair from where Clark injured him earlier. It's very romantic. And... *lights out*<br /><br />In the meantime, Maria has asked Nick to gather everyone from the party in the hull for a meeting. Mike has the same idea, and has been searching for Polly all over the ship. Polly is recovered from her <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_55">electrocutioning</span> and is watching Clark set the timer on the explosives. One hour.<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_56">Kats</span> is also planning... uh, not <em>mischief</em>. I guess "mass devastation" is more appropriate. He's going to make them pay. They will pay for not hugging him after the grad ceremony. Dammit, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_57">Kats</span> is gonna open up a world of hurt on everybody who didn't congratulate him. See, people, this is why Rule #1 of All-Night Grad Party Cruises is "You don't let <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_58">Kats</span> on your All-Night Grad Party Cruise". And, yeah, Mike and Nick both told him to get his ass into the hull for the meeting, but he's not gonna listen to those jerks. Not until his plans are complete. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_59">Wuh</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_60">haha</span>. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_61">Wuh</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_62">haha</span>. *Hack!*<br /><br />So, everyone important is at the meeting: Maria, Nick, Sara, Russ, Clair, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_63">Bubba</span>, Bill, The Rock, Polly, Jess, and Mike. Mike starts by outlining his theory that Alice did not <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_64">commit</span> suicide, she was murdered. They recreate the night from <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_65">everyone's</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_66">POV</span>, <a href="http://likepike.blogspot.com/2008/07/weekend.html">Weekend</a>-style. The gunshot... it came from the backyard, not the upstairs bedroom. Polly says that Clark pushed Alice off the ladder, and she hit her nose and died. Then they covered it up with the fake suicide and gunshots.<br /><br />Suddenly the boat alarm goes off! The boat is sinking. Polly has a gun and reveals the bomb. No one leaves. Shockingly, Maria stands and tries to disarm Polly. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_67">OMG</span> - Maria's been playing possum this whole book? Awesome! Polly tosses Maria aside, then Mike gets the gun away from her.<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_68">Kats</span> creeps into the hull, "<em>grinning the full length of his greasy moustache.</em>" He lit some smoke bombs so everyone would have to evacuate the ship. Take that, privileged scumbags!<br /><br />Suddenly, the bomb Polly planted explodes - right in Jessica's face!!<br /><br />The boat catches real fire and starts filling with water. And if there's one thing I know about Jessica, it's that she can't swim. She is pinned under debris in the boat. The water rises as everyone else escapes. Mike and The Rock stay behind to free her. Jess's arm is broken badly and Mike helps her to safety.<br /><br />Once they escape, they realize that The Rock is still in there! All the guys want to be a hero and go back for him, and all the girlfriends stomp on that plan in a hurry. Single Bill goes, and as he disappears into the wreckage, the boat tips and sinks.<br /><br />Polly is in the lifeboat, still going on that Clark pushed Alice <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_69">offa</span> the ladder, and he buggered the float to punish Jessica for making Polly have the party, and he stole Sara's council money to punish her for making Polly have the party, and he smothered <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_70">Aunty</span>, and he chopped down the school tree, which Russ got blamed for, but Clark didn't have a specific vendetta against Russ.<br /><br />Mike has a theory: Yeah, <u>Imaginary</u> Clark did all that shit. Polly and electricity are a bad mix. Polly confesses that she did it all and now she can't live with herself. She happens to have one more bomb, set to go off in 5 minutes. Everyone who wants to live evacuates the area. All but Jess, who stays behind to convince Polly that Alice's death was an accident. She slipped off the ladder. Polly's parents didn't die in that car crash because of anything Polly did. It was an accident too, and there's no need to go all <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_71">Kats</span> on everyone because of it.<br /><br />Polly is all good, and tosses the bomb away. And <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_72">Kats</span> is a hero to everyone above-deck for helping with the lifeboats so quickly. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_73">Haha</span>.<br /><br />The next day we find out that The Rock and Bill are <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_74">ok</span>. Maria and Nick are joining <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_75">Bubba</span> and Clair in Vegas to get married themselves so Maria will be able to stay in the country. Mike and Jess are going to go for the trip, and they tease about getting married too. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_76">Oy</span>. For some reason, all these teenagers getting married is giving me the creeps. I don't like this ending. I'm going to rewind my brain to when Jessica got blown up... and end the book there in my mind.<br /><br /><br />So, that's that for <strong>Final Friends</strong>. So, the covers - who died in The Dance and The Graduation where a chalk outline would be relevant? I would love if the cover of the The Dance showed a chalk outline around ancient <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_77">Aunty</span> in her deathbed. That's the only way it would be true. And this one would have an outline around <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_78">Kats's</span> dignity, or something. Except that would be pretty abstract and only we would understand it.<br /><br /><strong>Thursday</strong> (yes, this Thursday!) come 'round for <strong>The Grave</strong>, which one commenter speculated was <u>the worst Christopher Pike book of all time</u>.Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06672093730049923294noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5734839095698218552.post-51497304364794824262008-11-06T20:43:00.004-04:002008-11-06T20:56:20.380-04:00Final Friends Book 2: The Dance<div align="center"><br /><u>The Party</u> had claimed one victim... <u>The Dance</u> would take another. </div><div align="center"><br /> </div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5265678270773192274" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5UiXID0udC35QeX_jw1rEILKeKiXqhXmryX1OUkl6_HIXsYsC92bPmeasvpZLgky2VQdpTpb8KWYm8pZlWEAF4Yy9rYAGyC5f8jYgxyeaWPzS8DD1KTwKZVlQAdQoE9JoRnhYkuiK8X0/s400/Picture+002.jpg" border="0" /><br /><center><u>He searched for a murderer that couldn't exist.</u></center><br /><br />The Dance - Christopher Pike<br />1988, 226 pages<br /><br /><br />I wasn't too excited to read this. After the crushing disappointment that was <strong><a href="http://likepike.blogspot.com/2008/10/final-friends-book-1-party.html">The Party</a></strong>, I didn't think I could handle another dose so soon. WHY did I/everyone else remember this series being so swank? Here's what happened in Book 2:<br /><br />About 2 months have passed since Alice's death. Mike's devastation hasn't lessened, and he still wants answers. Why was Alice holding the gun in her right hand? She was left handed. Did the mysterious Clark have anything to do with what happened? Blah blah. I'll leave it at that because Mike could easily subject you to, like, 80 pages on it. But I won't even spend another paragraph on it. You wanna know why? BECAUSE THERE ARE TOO FREAKING MANY OTHER CHARACTERS.<br /><br />Sara still craves the attention of the bastard, Russ Desmond. Mike and Jess haven't spoken since the big blowup they had re: Alice's "suicide". Jess is still chasing Bill Skater. Nick and Maria haven't spoken. He thinks it's because he was held as a suspect in Alice's death, and it is. Maria's parents of course think that Nick killed Alice because he's black. Clair and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Bubba</span> are still going together. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Bubba</span> - still <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">pervy</span>. Who else??<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">OMG</span> - Polly! Polly has lost 20 lbs and is a doll once again. Here's the sad thing: Polly eats only carrots and drinks only Coke this entire book. When I was a kid, I thought that sounded awesome if it made you skinny. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Friggin</span>' bastard Pike, giving me body image problems/eating disorder tips.<br /><br />Sara, as school <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">prez</span>, has made some changes to homecoming this year. It will take place at the beginning of basketball season, outdoors in a tent. She takes $3000 from the school account to book food, music and build a float, and we <u>know</u> this can only end in failure.<br /><br />Sara's newest hobby has been to stalk Russ Desmond at his grocery store workplace, but usually he's not there. Today he is. She follows him into the stockroom freezer, <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">harassing</span> him and being generally annoying. He doesn't respond in a respectful manner, which, as we learned before, is just how Russ operates. No need to take it personal. But Sara does, and locks him in the freezer. She leaves, forgetting her purse filled with 3 large of the school's money in the stockroom, never to be seen again.<br /><br />Jessica spends time staked out on Mike's street, looking for a way to reconnect with him. He comes out when he recognizes her car, thinking she's meeting another classmate who lives across the street. Jess says she still owes him a movie, and they make a plan to go out.<br /><br />The mysterious Clark shows up at Polly's for the first time since Alice died. He opens with <em>"You look exotic, Polly, real tender." </em>That's an... odd compliment. Polly tips Clark off that Mike has been looking for info about him. They kiss a little, then Clark leaves out the back just as there's a knock at the front.<br /><br />It's beat-up Russ Desmond! For some reason, he thinks Polly's would be a good place to stay for a few nights, even though he's pretty much a professional at ignoring her. I get it though - I usually like people better when I'm using them, too.<br /><br />At school, the homecoming nominees are named. Jessica and Clair were givens. Cindy "The Book Can't Mention Her Without Mentioning Her Tits, So Neither Can I" <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Fosmeyer</span> is kind of a surprise pick, but the BIG upset is when Jessica's <em>"tiny Hispanic friend"</em>, Maria, is also called as a nominee.<br /><br />The homecoming dance draws closer and Sara is desperate for money to replace what she lost. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Bubba</span> has a rep for being a stock market <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">wiz</span>, so she goes to him for a favour. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">Bubba</span> is a loathsome human being with no redeeming qualities whatsoever and agrees to help Sara in exchange for sex.<br /><br />Sara is desperate and says <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">OK</span>. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">OMG</span> - he's not even attractive! Why does no one notice this? He's FAT. You've got to have <u>some</u> standards. Like, risk missing limbs with your local loan shark. But don't have sex with <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">Bubba</span>. <u>Never</u> have sex with <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">Bubba</span>!<br /><br />Polly's <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">Aunty</span> is bedridden and senile, so she doesn't get in Polly's way in her mission to get laid by Russ. Russ, a track superstar, enjoys running in the rain, like, away from Polly. <em>"The rain and I are old friends." </em>This guy is in high school? That sounds like something that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">Shaolin</span> priest would say on <strong><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kung_Fu_Continues"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">Kung</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">Fu</span>: The Legend Continues</a></strong>. Polly, totally oblivious that there's nothing going on between her and Russ, makes an appointment at the family planning clinic to get birth control.<br /><br />While at the clinic, Polly sees a haggard-looking, totally out-of-it Clair coming out of one of the offices. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">Bubba</span> is there to help her, but I still hate him.<br /><br />Speaking of preventing pregnancy, and possible abortions, remember Mike's mom? She's pregnant again, and she doesn't care WHAT her boyfriend says, she's keeping her baby. I think Mike preached too much after the last abortion.<br /><br />It's date night for Mike and Jess... or is it? Sorry, no. Jess spent the day with Bill Skater, and hopes to spend the night with him too. She hopes it will be The Night, the "Get lost, virginity! Yo, beat it!" night. So Jess calls Mike to cancel. Yeah, she wants to try to turn on Bill Skater by LYING to him about how bad her grades are. Jess, you are a tool. I don't understand that in these books... even <a href="http://likepike.blogspot.com/2008/09/eternal-enemy.html"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">Rela</span></a> lied about poor school performance to impress a guy - and she was a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">friggin</span>' robot!!!!!<br /><br />Jess compliments Bill on his zipper. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22">Oy</span> - she meant his <em>belt</em>. The longer the better, right? She tries a few more tactics before he gets his keys. Huge fail.<br /><br />Now let's add some CREEPY to the mix: Clark shows up at Polly's, threatens to rape her, tries to turn her against her friends, and tells her to smother <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_23">Aunty</span>, then leaves. What the hell is up with this guy? Psychological problems, much?<br /><br />Friday night, there's a basketball game at the school. Nick and Mike play on the team. Mike and Jess schedule a make-up date for Saturday night, after they take their SAT exams. Jess sits with Polly to watch the game. Polly mentions seeing Clair at the family planning clinic, without thinking of <em>why</em> Clair would be at the family planning clinic, in front of the entire <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_24">cheerleading</span> squad. Rumours run wild about abortions and people (i.e. Jessica) still think Bill Skater could be the father, even though Clair is pretty public about being with <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_25">Bubba</span> now.<br /><br />The next day - SAT day! - Jess takes some No-DOZ caffeine pills to combat her all-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_26">nighter</span> study fatigue. OH NO! Those aren't No-DOZ! Those are VALIUM! Now what? Mike manages to slip Jess some answers, while she barely remains conscious during the exam, only finding out later that there were 4 different versions of the test and Jess is a total failure. <p>Meanwhile, at school, some of the b-ball guys have been practicing. The Rock is alone in the locker room when Nick comes in. Nick wants to know why the hell The Rock still has a beef with him? Does he have a death wish, or what? Rock explains that he's a Big Brother to ghetto children, and he's seen Nick there pushing drugs. This is obvious bullshit, which is proven when Nick takes Rock to the hood and makes him knock on a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_27">crackhouse's</span> door. The knock is answered by a Nick doppelganger-in-the-eyes-of-white-people, who of course is Stanley, the crack dealer. Well, that settles that.<br /><br />A bunch of stuff - nothing good, don't worry - happens leading up to the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_28">mofo</span> dance to end all dances. Jess is going with Bill Skater. She realizes that Bill is boring as hell, but his body just won't quit. And she realizes that SHE. LOVES. MIKE. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_29">OMG</span>. In the meantime, Mike investigates Clark. Abort this mission, Mike. It's <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_30">boooooring</span>. And I won't judge you the way you judged your mom, I promise.<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_31">Bubba</span> found a way to hack into the autopsy database so Mike can see Alice's report. Clair wants <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_32">Bubba's</span> technical know-how used for another purpose: to make her Homecoming Queen.<br /><br />It's creepy-time in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_33">Pollyland</span>. Russ moved out, leaving a note for Polly. Clark finds the note, and then lurks in the dark until Polly climbs a ladder. Man, she spends a lot of time on ladders. I haven't been on ladders as much in my whole life as she has been in two books! Clark shoves her violently. He is deranged. He runs ahead of injured Polly to go smother <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_34">Aunty</span>. But he doesn't do it. What a gem of a guy.<br /><br />Homecoming night, y'all! There are many, MANY pages of basketball strategy. How does that benefit me/the story? Like, I like Nick and all, but <u>come on</u>! Anyways, Nick free throws to win the game, and his pa showed up to watch him succeed. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_35">YAY</span>! Maria's parents admire Nick's athleticism, and allow her to reunite with him! Best night ever!!<br /><br />Sara is pleased with how the float to carry the nominees turned out. Everything is great, except that she's totally overworked. Last year's Queen can't complete her queenly hand-off duties because she gained weight in college. Because of course she did. And now she can never be seen in public again.<br /><br />And - <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_36">OMG</span> - <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_37">Kats</span> is driving the float! <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_38">KATS</span> is driving the fucking float. You don't ever let <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_39">Kats</span> drive your float. There's no precedent for that scenario, but don't do it anyway. It gives me that "bad-idea" vibe.<br /><br />Everyone packs into the tent for the dance, except Mike. He's still computer-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_40">geeking</span> it up, looking through records for Alice's autopsy report. Sara and Russ hit the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_41">dancefloor</span>, and, as school president, she can't be seen engaging in any scandalous behavior. She doesn't want to be making out all over Russ in front of the whole school. Russ thinks an appropriate reaction is to say, <em>"If you don't kiss me right now, I'll fondle your breasts in front of everybody." </em>Um, how dare he? He better be joking.<br /><br />Sara takes off in a hurry to help guide the float into the tent. I warned you about <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_42">Kats</span>, you guys... actually, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_43">nevermind</span>. He pulled it off. I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_44">mighta</span> misjudged him.<br /><br />The nominees are all called to the stage. Clair, Jessica, Maria, and "Dog Face/Fun Bags" <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_45">Fosmeyer</span> await the decision.<br /><br />And the homecoming queen is................... MARIA GONZALES!!!<br /><br />Holy crap, Maria winning the crown is like an episode of <strong>Murder, She Wrote</strong> where the killer turns out to be a janitor who was only on-screen for 6 seconds.<br /><br />After the dance, Mike finally gets satisfaction: he has Alice's report up on his CRT. Alice had a broken nose. But how? So, there's Mystery #1 to lead us into Book 3.<br /><br />After the dance, Sara and Jessica clean up the tent, while Maria celebrates by dreamily wandering around on the float with her crown. She climbs to the upper throne part of the homemade stage, only to have it collapse under her. She falls many feet, breaking through the float floor and landing amid rubble and glass. Sara and Jessica run to Maria, and find her twisted and bloody on the ground. Mystery #2: Did someone tamper with the integrity of the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_46">float's</span> construction?<br /><br />After the dance, Polly arrives home to see Clark leaving her yard on his motorbike. Inside, she finds that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_47">Aunty</span> is dead. She is still warm though, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_48">sooooo</span> Clark probably <em>just</em> killed her. Mystery #3: What did Clark have to do with the death of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_49">Aunty</span>... and why?<br /><br />Jess, Nick, and Mike wait at the hospital for word about Maria. She has a broken back and will likely be paralyzed. Maria asks to see Jessica. She tells Jess that she never should have sold hope that Maria could be popular. Now look what happened, and it's all Jess's fault. Never speak to Maria again, Jess. Do you hear me?<br /><br />Maria knows a secret about Nick: that he was running away from the upstairs after Alice was shot. She makes it very clear that if Nick thinks he can sit on his ass and not try to find out who messed with the float to sabotage her - well, that just ain't gonna happen.<br /><br />Mike leaves the hospital and decides to flip through some yearbooks he'd taken from other local high schools in his search for Clark. He spots the guy in a group shot, but not in the singles section with names. But wait! Under the students who didn't pose heading, there he is: Clark Halley. You will not be able to hide from Mike for much longer. Even though I'm pretty sure you already weren't.<br /></p><div align="center">Stay tuned for <strong>Final Friends 3: The Graduation</strong></div><div align="center">The truth is finally revealed.</div><div align="center">At a terrible price....</div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"><br /><br />I'm sure no one can wait. Yeah. So, get this: I had a dream night before last that there was a movie being made of Pike's book <strong>Master of Murder</strong>. And <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0386472/">Emile Hirsch</a> was playing Marvin (the lead). Dunno why I dreamed that, but there it is.</div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"><br /><br />See ya next Thursday! </div>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06672093730049923294noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5734839095698218552.post-42171771125596900912008-11-01T09:53:00.002-03:002008-11-01T09:54:58.172-03:00Book List UpdateHey, remember how back on the old <a href="http://likepike.blogspot.com/2008/07/pike-book-list.html">Book List post </a>there were always a few books I couldn't find?<br /><br />Not anymore!!<br /><br />Check this out: <strong>Hollow Skull</strong>, generously provided by reader <strong>Kelly</strong>. She mailed it to me - internationally even! - and I want to gratefully acknowledge her kindness. Thank you, Kelly!<br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5262750419992709170" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 240px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhJXhUzq12fpJpj90DMpuMahuH5f8gtbZ9EVNI_LSCuxL2uKuKz3UjVTaAtCCYcxJr4Eikk4yBV7fv_lCjx2JmODOWpGmw-yTv_iQPf48AHsig2lNEvr5mjOegK3tqfLcsIUlPvZj-SYo/s320/Picture+003.jpg" border="0" /><br /><br />Aaaaaaand: <strong>Execution of Innocence</strong>. I ordered this copy from <a href="http://bookmooch.com/">Bookmooch</a> and it was a splendid experience.<br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5262751995106246706" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 240px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyztQ-yTzc7NTX_3UdluD6bX2z9jNwvHQl5uey4W92l_XIjH1z3GUAS_KQtf47bL2WKTmglXYESEHGtqj9qdq2xGVxTdzccifbEqbrViuxqKGHubwIQ0H6tgpRMdZpNVQIogAPkouwfvI/s320/Picture+002.jpg" border="0" /> <br /><br />So, that's it. Every Christopher Pike YA and adult book will eventually show up on here. I'm sure I'll be Pike-blogging until mid-'09 at least. Hurrah!</p>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06672093730049923294noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5734839095698218552.post-14693119561657792902008-10-30T21:14:00.005-03:002008-10-30T21:35:02.730-03:00Final Friends Book 1: The Party<div align="center"><u></u></div><div align="center"><u></u></div><div align="center"><u></u></div><div align="center"><u>It was their last year of school... Maybe the last year of their lives</u> </div><div align="center"><br /></div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5262700697476504626" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2xt0P2aC-qv1p6C1g0zlCATgkpigIrUrPBH8qkFsEiu05JqA24lPW-2FQgOVqncEqLOTNI6kZRP6I-E_InbkcKkCeXX64wm9AJifWmZUlDPR4_slfVWheiP9DsjKJ2CX8XeqDdMX-R70/s400/Picture+001.jpg" border="0" /> <div align="center"><u></u></div><div align="center"><u>They wanted to throw a party....</u> </div><br /><br /><div align="left">The Party - Christopher Pike<br />1988, 212 pages<br /><br /><br />Before we talk about ANYTHING else: check out that red mullet in the lower right corner. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Yeeeow</span>! <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Hurtin</span>' hairdo alert.<br /><br />Mesa High has gone out of business, so Tabb High will educate Mesa's students from now on. Friends and former Mesa students Jessica, Sara, and Alice plan to have a party at Alice's place to mix the two schools' students together.<br /><br />Right off the bat we learn that Alice, age 14, is perfect. She doesn't even perspire, because her <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">blonde</span> curls reflect the sun away. Jessica, 16, and brunette, is apparently <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">ewwwy</span> with sweat. You know, because of her hair.<br /><br />Jess is a little low self-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">esteemy</span> and it <u>grates</u>. <em>"She believed, like most teenage girls who don't date much, that there was something wrong with her, something missing." </em>Yeah, Jess. Boys <em>complete</em> you. They're not, like, totally annoying or anything either. And Alice's poor sister Polly... don't even go there. <em>"When thin, Polly was a doll."</em> When fat, she's a fucking obscene monster, I guess.<br /><br />Alice already has a friend at her new school, Michael Olson. Her secret fantasy is to set up Michael and Jessica. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Unfortch</span>, Mike and Jess end up sharing a locker and meet before Alice's dream introduction. Is that, like, bad enough to kill yourself over?<br /><br />The big names at Tabb are Clair <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Hilrey</span>, head cheerleader; and her <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">boytoy</span> Bill Skater, who is always, always, always called <u>Bill Skater</u>. Also on the hot list: Russ Desmond, track star; and The Rock, football <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">douchewad</span>. On *my* <em>not</em> list: Michael's <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">BFF</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">Bubba</span>, a 5'4" <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">tubba</span> who is irresistible to girls. God, what gives with the girls at this school? <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">Bubba</span>... I kinda hate him. And Mike too. Seriously. <em>"Michael chuckled at the crude manner in which <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">Bubba</span> referred to Jessica." </em>What immature bastards! Even though the reference wasn't even that bad.<br /><br />One would think that Mike would have more respect for women because he loves his mom like I love scandalous gossip, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">soooo</span> - <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">OMG</span> - did you hear about Mike's mom? She got knocked up two years ago and had an abortion, even though Mike begged her not to. Mike dreams about the unborn sibling and imagines that it's Alice/would be Alice/is <em>like </em>Alice. In some way. Not really sure. Don't ask me.<br /><br />To create additional first-week-of-school drama, Alice and Jess practice <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">bitchery</span> by signing Sara up to run for school president. And she wins! More on that later...<br /><br />Meanwhile, in the weight room, ghetto transfer student Nick is trying to work out. His blackness irritates some of the jockstraps, so The Rock tries to start something. Uh, bad move. Nick knees The Rock's stones, and no one really wants to mess with him after that.<br /><br />After, Nick needs a Coke but doesn't have enough change. Instead of running from the big black guy, sweet Maria gives him correct change. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">Awww</span>.<br /><br />Moments later, Sara shows up at the same machine to buy a 7-Up. Uh, I call shenanigans. Maybe it's a homemade pop machine. Because Coke and 7-Up don't usually get along. Maybe Nick calls all pop "Coke" as <a href="http://popvssoda.com:2998/">some people apparently do</a>. We'll never know, because Sara's change gets stuck and she tips the machine over. Easy, Rambo.<br /><br />While fleeing the scene of the pop machine massacre, Sara steps into the path of Russ Desmond, who happens to be running a track race. He takes time to see that she's all right, and it's love at first sight (for Sara). We'll come back to that.<br /><br />Uh, back to Mike! He works at 7Eleven. Nick comes in and pays for a pop with silver dollars. It's obvious that he's down to his last resort money, so Mike offers him a job cleaning the stockroom. He starts straight away, and everything is awesome until a masked guy enters with a gun. Nick karate kicks the gun into the cereal aisle while Mike plays butterfingers with the till. Nick Irish-whips the guy into a beer pyramid, and that's when shit gets real.<br /><br />It's <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">Kats</span>, local dropout/reject, here to play a prank on Mike. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">Kats</span> is <em>"one of those rare people that no one respected." </em><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">Bwah</span>!<br /><br />Since Mike and Nick hit it off so well, they go to the football game together. Mike meets Alice's mysterious new boyfriend/art instructor, Clark. Clark is a sad sack combo of a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">freakin</span>' knob and a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22">skeletized</span> creep. He used to be Polly's beau... well, make-out friend, until he dropped her for Alice.<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_23">Bubba</span> takes advantage of Bill Skater being on the playing field to ask out Bill's girlfriend, Clair. He bribes her with non-existent U2 tickets, and she agrees to a date. Mike, having developed a crush on Jessica during their locker meet-ups, talks to her for a while and eventually realizes that Jessica is the girl that Alice has mentioned to him. He's embarrassed that Alice has told Jessica about how Mr. Fantastic he is. Plus, Jess is totally digging Bill Skater.<br /><br />Polly, being a lardy outcast, takes a walk alone during the game. She comes upon a drunken fiend with a ax chopping the hell out of a schoolyard tree. It's Russ Desmond, track star. I guess his race didn't go so good. He got kicked off the team or something. He thinks Polly is Sara, which is <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_24">farfetched</span> as hell, because isn't Polly fat or something? I'm never sure, because it's not like it's brought up <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_25">every time</span> Polly is mentioned or anything. Anyways, Polly decides to take advantage of the mix up and drives Russ home.<br /><br />Later on, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_26">Bubba</span> gives Mike and Nick a pick-up-chicks lesson so they can bag Jessica and Maria. Mike finds Jessica studying her chem book. She's been having problems with the lab lingo, and Mike edited the chem manual, so she asks if he'll tutor her in exchange for her taking him to a movie. Ha, that was easy.<br /><br />Nick is braver, but not as smooth. Maria is carrying a bag of oranges in the hallway when Nick spots her. She gives him one, and he tries to pull the casual-guy-leaning-against-wall/locker/etc-with-arm-above-girl's-head, but fails <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_27">miz</span> when the orange IN HIS LEANING HAND is squished and squirts into Maria's eye. That would hurt. She must be really soft spoken, because she didn't even swear. And she actually agrees to a date with this oaf.<br /><br />It's later again, and in the meantime Sara used her school president gig to get Russ Desmond back on the track team. Now everyone is gathered to watch him race. After the race, Sara and Russ talk. In <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_28">Russ's</span> mind Sara is Sara, but "Sara" also includes Polly from the night of the football game, and he wants his ax back out of her car trunk.<br /><br />The whole thing makes no sense to Sara, and he totally doesn't appreciate that Sara got him back onto the team, so she storms away. Russ asks Jessica, who was standing nearby, if Sara's got her period or what. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_29">Soooo</span>, ignoring that fact that Russ is a complete bastard, Jess sets him up on a date with Sara. Why she did that, and why he agreed to it... maybe Book 2 will explain.<br /><br />So, next it's date night. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_30">Bubba</span> has his phony U2 concert with Clair, Mike and Jess, Nick and Maria, and Sara and Russ all have dates. Despite all starting the night on their individual ways, the four couples meet in line at the movies.<br /><br />Some dates have been good. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_31">Bubba</span> and Clair really hit it off in the back of his car, even though he lied. Maria confided in Nick that her family are illegal aliens. Mike and Jess bore me. And "The Date That Should Never Have Happened" starring Russ and Sara. He was late, he was disheveled, he was half lit, the only reason he showed up at all was because Jess called to harass him, and now he has no money for movie tickets. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_32">Aaaaaaand</span>, to make a terrible night worse, Sara finds out that the reason Russ is being distant/a douche is because he didn't actually want to go out with her!!! Sara runs away crying, and Jessica and Mike cut their night short to drive her home.<br /><br />After dropping off Sara, Jess tells Mike to take his chem help and shove it. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_33">Ok</span>, not really. I wish! She just says she won't be needing him. It's because she doesn't want to take time away from his own studies, but he doesn't know that and ends up all demoralized.<br /><br />Mike avoids Jess all week before the party. He sees her getting closer to Bill Skater and gives up all hope.<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_34">TGI</span> P(arty) N(<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_35">ight</span>). Polly tries hanging out with Russ, but he doesn't know her, remember? <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_36">Bubba</span> wants to hang out with Clair, but she doesn't want to be seen with him around her friends. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_37">OMG</span> - that is <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_38">sooooo</span> <strong>Breakfast Club</strong>. Mike spots Jess and Bill Skater talking and destroys a charades game in anger... just kidding. It was a ping pong table. There are no charades at <em>this</em> party.<br /><br />Polly and Alice try to keep a close eye on the house. Their parents are dead, so they live with an elderly aunt, who has been sent away for the night. They have a little confrontation upstairs when Polly bugs Alice about where Clark is and Alice says she isn't seeing him anymore, and then leaves in anger without getting the paper cups out of the top of the closet like she was supposed to.<br /><br />Since there's a ladder handy, Polly changes a burnt out light in one of the bedrooms. Her hands are a little wet and she is electric-charged to the ground. She's <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_39">a'ight</span>, though. No worries. When Polly goes back downstairs, she finds that the party is getting out of hand.<br /><br /><u>Ways To Tell The Party Is Out Of Control: A Simple Guide:</u><br />#1: <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_40">Kats</span> is in the house. You don't ever let <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_41">Kats</span> in your house.<br />#2: Jessica is looking for a way to lose her virginity to Bill Skater.<br />#3: Clair is using lines like: "Let's go, big boy... Time to get wet... Time to get down" to get Bill Skater's attention back.<br />#4: The Rock is ready for Round 2 with Nick.<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_42">Ooooh</span>, let's elaborate on that one. A <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_43">coupla</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_44">meatheads</span> hold Nick in the pool while The Rock takes Nick's shorts off, leaving him naked, kneeling, in the shallow end. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_45">Bubba</span> loves fights, and showing off his <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_46">wang</span>, so he gives his trunks to Nick so Nick can kill The Rock.<br /><br />It's a major rumble, with the football team featuring The Rock vs. Nick and possibly Mike, if he doesn't wuss out. Polly's not gonna put up with the nonsense, and tosses chlorine powder into The Rock's eyes.<br /><br />That kinda kills the party.<br /><br />Mike and Alice take advantage of the quiet to have a nice conversation about Jessica and stuff. The few people left are in other parts of the house doing different stuff. That's all I can tell you, or else this recap is gonna run to novella length. Anyways, Nick goes upstairs to the can. The atmosphere is eerie. There's a gunshot. The following people gather to find Alice on the floor with a gun in her mouth: Mike, Nick, Maria, Sara, Polly, Jessica, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_47">Kats</span>, Bill, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_48">Bubba</span>, Clair, and The Rock. And maybe Russ Desmond. He says he was "sleeping" in another room, but seriously, who doesn't hear gunshots and wake up?<br /><br />Just like in <a href="http://likepike.blogspot.com/2008/07/remember-me.html">Remember Me</a>, a suicide funeral gets a poor turnout. What's WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!??? Don't you remember Alice is perfect???<br /><br />The police had held Nick, Russ, The Rock, and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_49">Kats</span>. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_50">Kats</span> owned the gun Alice (or someone) used. Nick's fingerprints were on it, but he'd snatched it away from Alice when they found the body. The deal is that because of Nick's location when the shot was fired, there's no way anyone else shot Alice unless he or she could walk through walls.<br /><br />Nick lost his new job, and Maria won't talk to him because of all this. Mike shadows the cop on the case, Lt. Keller. Mike knows Alice wouldn't kill herself, and MUST PROVE IT. He confronts Keller with some new theories, which, in my opinion, need work.<br /><br />Somehow, Mike is allowed into Alice's house alone and unsupervised to draw a diagram of the rooms in the house and where everyone was when Alice was killed. Jessica shows up to pack some things for Polly, who is sedated in hospital.<br /><br />Mike is blind with rage at Jessica for saying to the cop that yeah, it did look like a suicide. He knows someone killed Alice. Someone! Another person... or maybe a couple of people... or MAYBE all of them working together!! <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_51">Haha</span>, how would they pull that off? There's like 76.5 characters in this book. Why couldn't more of them have died NOW, so I don't need to bother with them next book?<br /><br /><br />See you next week for the middle installment of the <strong>Final Friends</strong> trilogy, and this weekend I'll be posting some very special blog info, so stay tuned for that. Happy Halloween!!!</div>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06672093730049923294noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5734839095698218552.post-4293657892510308942008-10-28T05:36:00.001-03:002008-10-28T17:37:39.745-03:00Google Hits: The Raunchy RemixSo, apparently this blog is raunch-tastic. Blame Christopher Pike, I guess. I mean, <em>I'm</em> not some pervy person trying to attract creeps to my blog. Certainly not! But it seems like whenever they hit me up Google-style, it's from a sexual search term.<br /><br /><u>Searches, Sexual<br /></u><br /><span style="color:#33ffff;">* Shena's sex tape<br /><br />* massage hidden camera blogspot com<br /><br /></span><p><span style="color:#33ffff;">* locker room showering together</span></p>* There was even one - jeez, I probably shouldn't even... ehhhh, you guy(s) don't judge - that was like: "<em><span style="color:#33ffff;">preteen erotic stories</span></em>". I don't remember if that's it exactly, and my stats thingy doesn't save stuff for more than, like, five days, but it was creepy. Trust me, <strong>Like Pike</strong> does NOT want to be associated AT ALL with the kind of sites that you're gonna see in "<em><span style="color:#33ffff;">preteen erotic stories</span></em>" search results.<br /><br /><p>Also:</p><p><u>90s-Related Searches</u></p><span style="color:#33ffff;">* the 90s had no culture<br /><br />* 90's pop bands.. backstreet boys, nsync, etc.<br /><br />* song in the philippines 90's foreign songs<br /><br />* 90's lame music<br /><br />* embarresing pop culture of the 90's<br /><br />* creative homemade backstreet boy t shirts<br /><br />* backstreet boys bed sheets</span><br /><br />Ok, question: is there REALLY so little written about Backstreet Boys on the internet that my freaking blog with one BSB-related post has to show up in the results? That's sad. It kinda makes me want to do a BSB blog side project and scan all my pin-ups and articles and, like, gossip about who's cutest in each pic! OMG! That would be sooooo aweso- ...actually, on second thought, who would be the target audience for a blog like that??... Ohhhhh. Only me.<br /><br /><p>And:</p><p><u>Oddities</u></p><p><span style="color:#33ffff;">* trapped in kitchen scavenger hunt movie</span></p><p><span style="color:#33ffff;">* falling into hell clip</span></p><p><span style="color:#33ffff;">* betty sue abortion<br /></span><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#ffffff;">This could have been a legit Whisper of Death inquiry, but the person didn't stick around at all. I checked out the search, and I liked one of the other site descriptions that was like, "Get your abortion advice here, not from some Betty Sue down the street". I don't know why I like that, but I do.</span> </span><br /></p><p>I just thought this one was cute! </p><p><span style="color:#33ffff;">* in remember me 2: the return are peter and shari still together?</span><br /><br /><br />And, my fave: </p><p><span style="color:#33ffff;">* ya lit and scaffolding</span><br />What the hell was the desired result here? Like, a list of instances of scaffolding in young adult novels? Would that even ever exist? Too bizarre. I don't really consider the inclusion of scaffolding to be such a high point that I actively look for it in books. </p><p>Anyways, Thursday is <strong>Final Friends Book 1: The Party</strong>. OMG, it is sooooo not as awesome as I remembered. See ya!</p>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06672093730049923294noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5734839095698218552.post-20397902339073986982008-10-26T12:47:00.011-03:002008-10-26T13:25:35.485-03:00Spooksville Marathon: Part 1<div align="center"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMs59jDVEuh_Cx4AMu3IURoxNw1zOp0S0sUAgMZqrGY2CwhVgcmUMDptR38izZZGusWjh3Qy2wGZ464TVGKtmDv47ckMbRear1vyIQ0n0Fm22Pq0NCSG2Tn7fBYBuc3GjOKRkwzw_tNpY/s1600-h/n29897.jpg"></a><strong><u>Spooksville #13 - Creature in the Teacher</u></strong> </div><div align="center"><br /></div><div align="center">"Their teacher was not normal."<br /><br /></div><div align="center"></div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5261497734394165666" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 138px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 200px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYnutPHvKY2oQjSi7AAZ4_9Whqm1K0LjL-7rKslFsNYM3QWmVFtG31igF5YKVFcY8DoIAf48kzNk1X7WqmBzOByg80MNffWDoQUW9WwoVDBymin04a-_5wTOsIqARJuZtmyGErhgS8Z7U/s200/n29897.jpg" border="0" /><br /><div align="center">"Adam never imagined his first day of school would be so bad."<br /></div><br /><div align="left">So, a down-on-his-luck alien tries to find a home on Earth for his race of alien people whose home planet has been destroyed, but the Spooksville gang is all: "Nuh uh, we don't think so", because these aliens, like, eat hamsters and disguise themselves as schoolteachers, and the alien teacher kidnapped the class wimp and took him to outer space. </div><br />After transporting the brave kids onto the alien spaceship to rescue Wimpy, they land in Africa, and then use a time travel thing to send the aliens back in time to live on Earth in dinosaur times, on the condition that they don't change anything and find somewhere else in live within ten thousand years.<br /><br />The end.<br /><br /><br /><div align="center"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_wtZDvSjLjQJqij3_poZgJTSdIEjf2y_GOyvboztqcJWwUZP_oim4XG_pQilx_Q4M51rBXRZynAdLwwYuXRYGPTpavSja_Fzl6_bRp_PKtOYuZ4zK8MlMG0r3Yr8IXnu6w5zBsXh4uKM/s1600-h/Picture+006.jpg"></a><strong><u>Spooksville #17 - The Thing in the Closet</u></strong> <u></div><br /></u><div align="center">"It was real. It was scary. It was not nice."</div><br /><p><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5261498031295745282" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 150px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 200px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYP53EBYGaipfBO3YQDaUVc8x9NS0aQGmU45Vb_xyDgF6KaYknO8xN4PO-BV6Lhhxy6X5fmrNOBhC2aY5dTvbB7-L3Rvo0jAxFMPFfBPNsKgTpu6Pr341a_7P_5qrqC21pfuk-nvBW9-g/s200/Picture+006.jpg" border="0" /></p><p align="center">"Most kids are afraid there might be a monster in their closet."</p><p>So, by being afraid of her closet, Cindy opened a fear portal into a land called Centrae. An elf boy helps her find her way while she waits for her friends to rescue her. The others show up in time to help Cindy and elf boy sort out some turmoil involving evil beings who can only be defeated by being laughed at, then they all go home.<br /><br />The end. </p><p align="center"><br /><strong><u>Spooksville #23 - Phone Fear</u></strong> </p><div align="center">"The evil was in the phone lines."<br /></div><p align="center"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5261498526711397330" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 150px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 200px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeRmve9mdyO1XpUg_lMykZifBe1wNVGrESZNN68DZwHdORfTReX-q_YiCwdPcv4-cX2egtZtmoJeO0x-5VzrkA1ZhSF7TKjdj8uVR-ws7P1OwHYlvoKXFXkRFUovj-Oa-z3fYohHxgl5E/s200/Picture+008.jpg" border="0" /></p><p align="center">"The gang did not understand who or what was calling."</p><p>So, Bryce, this candyass kid with a cell phone, starts getting crazy calls telling him to do stuff that he's obvs not gonna do, like burn down his mail carrier's house. The caller is named Nernit. Watch leaps to the conclusion that it's actually spelled "Neernitt" and it's the <u>Internet</u> calling. OMG - the internet is after us! I guess after everything else I've accepted from Pike, I can't start nitpicking now.<br /><br />Neernitt has an army of followers who hold Watch, Bryce, and their friends captive until they agree to build Neernitt a body. Being the internet is cool and all, but moving around is apparently better.<br /><br />Watch - I dunno - makes a body out of a robot friend he had who died in an earlier book, and then rigs it to trap Neernitt inside it once he puts his - I dunno - mental prowess into the body. </p><div align="center">More to come...</div>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06672093730049923294noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5734839095698218552.post-24394103075036444182008-10-23T08:29:00.002-03:002008-10-23T08:38:26.810-03:00The Star Group<div align="center"></div><div align="center">To be human and to be touched by the stars. </div><br /><div align="center"></div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5251435877924978914" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKOrxm5HdvTvXlHDYkH75ICnVAuTxG61mKCFKa7qJOCCOhi6IVO8MXhLlgXfVAnp8k7t5LE8UCTO1-03iOng3l32-DHzrMBSRcV22a5KkDqgy1t7BIqNm2Yul3Nqts4DAaAop_tjpNs-I/s400/n14764.jpg" border="0" /><br /><center>They thought they were normal. They thought wrong.<br /></center><br /><br /><p>The Star Group - Christopher Pike<br />1997, 182 pages </p><br /><p>This book is easily the worst yet. The best thing about this book? It didn't crack the 200 page mark!! It wasn't <em>loathsome</em>, it was just boring and didn't even try to explain itself or make any sense.<br /><br />The back of the book description says: "<em>There are seven of them, three guys and four girls. Driven to return to a lonely spot where tragedy struck before</em>". Then it goes on to mention alien contact, and I was like: "<strong>Chain Letter</strong> meets <strong>The Visitor</strong>? This could be... good?? Bad? Neutral? Or really fffreaking terrible. With a triple F. I never know with stuff published after '95." </p><p>Oh, and: there's only 6 characters. One must have gotten written out, which is probably the best thing that has happened to my life in weeks. Unless I miscounted. Or fell asleep. Or died, then my neighbour/brother/cat/boyfriend/goldfish gave up their life force so I could come back and finish reading the book. Why, oh, why couldn't they have just let me stay dead?!?</p><p>Does it always have to be aliens, by the way? Can't it ever just be <a href="http://likepike.blogspot.com/2008/07/scavenger-hunt.html">lizard people</a>? Wait a tick... maybe it can be <strong><em><u>both</u></em></strong>! Check it out -> -> -> </p><p><u>Meet The Star Group</u><br />Daniel - has crush on Gale<br />Gale - hot chick<br />Sal - black guy, Teri's boyfriend<br />Teri - valedictorian/entrepreneur<br />Jimmy - guy, Shena's boyfriend<br />Shena - her face was mangled in a car battery acid accident </p><p>Imagine forty pages of surfing and suicide threats. I'm gonna skip all that. The interesting points: </p><p>1) surfing can be dangerous,<br />2) it's unusual for black guys to surf,<br />3) Shena's face is messed up and people at school call her "Toast,<br />4) kids can be cruel,<br />5) Dan is into "esoteric literature" and always refers to it as such,<br />6) Dan is a pompous fucker. </p><p>Dan has had a crush on Gale for four years, and now that it's graduation night, it's his last chance to ask her out. He approaches her as she sits on a picnic table outside school wearing Peter Nichols from <strong>Remember Me</strong>'s death outfit: baggy white shorts and a red t-shirt. Christopher Pike = the opposite of Ann M. Martin (and her infinite ghostwriter army). He ALWAYS uses the same goddamn outfits. He has never described a pattern printed on a garment. Sometimes I think that's what these books need: more paisley. </p><p>Gale agrees to go to the Safe Grad (except that's not what they call it - is there a special name for it in the US?) event at Disneyland with Dan. Yay! Dan celebrates by visiting his favourite used book store to browse the New Age/Occult section. I wish he woulda bought a copy of that <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sylvia_browne">Sylvia Browne</a> book about where animals go when they die. That would have changed the rest of this book, fo' sho'. </p><p>But he didn't. He bought "The Magnetic Reality" and learned how to use a magnet to communicate with... E.T.!! He gets a message from "Mentor", an alien thing that "is Dan and is not Dan." It lives 642 light years away in Ortee. It is Dan's soul. Dan and his pals are all from space and need to be awakened to their purpose. Get me outta here. </p><p>Dan takes the news pretty well and goes to Disneyland with his friends. Shena has a breakdown when her boyfriend, Jimmy, flirts with another girl. She tries to commit suicide on the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matterhorn_Bobsleds">Matterhorn</a>. It wasn't as exciting as it sounds. </p><p>After the park closes, Dan goes to Gale's house. She's got incense and is into meditation. Dan's especially interested in that because he reads "a lot of esoteric literature". What a bunch of phonies these kids are. I wish this book had a bully. Just pop into the scene and give Dan a wedgie. </p><p>But wait! Now it gets explicit. Even - raunchy? I'm suddenly <em>wayyyy</em> more into this! Dan and Gale get jiggy in the hot tub. Nudity! Touching!! SEX!!! Daniel admits it was his first time. Gale says she's slept with someone from school, but won't say who. </p><p>The next afternoon, Dan is home alone. He contacts Mentor, who instructs him to set up a tape recorder and relax. Dan channels Mentor. Mentor speaks through Dan's voice as Dan goes into a trance. </p><p>He listens to the tape and it's the exact same crap as the Ouija board said in <strong>The Visitor</strong>. Right down to the different density beings. Dan's made a sacrifice and given up his outer space self to live in a human body on Earth. But this is the first he's heard of it, so it's not that bad. Evolution. Reincarnation. Dan's friends - "They, too, are spacemen." </p><p>Oh, good. Gale shows up. Mo' sexxxin'. Dan does his thang (first asking, "<em>Are we using any form of birth control here?</em>" How responsible.), then goes to sleep. He wakes up to find Gale listening to the Mentor tape. The Mentor had instructed the 6 (I was right!) of them to gather in an isolated location. The power when they all get together and learn their mission will be apparently extraordinary. </p><p>So, Shena rents a cabin in the woods at Crystal Lake. Christ, that's where <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friday_the_13th_(1980_film)">Jason Voorhees</a> killed everyone! Well, we know Dan and Gale aren't going to make it. Skaaaaanks! </p><p>The gang gathers on the porch to talk. Sal brought a gun. You can take the black male character out of the ghetto... but apparently Pike wants to leave him there. Dan brought copper sheets and gemstones, per Mentor's orders. They start talking, the way friends do, about outer space and the sky. It's so nice and quiet. Until *GASP* - sorry, false alarm. Nothing exciting. Just Jimmy going off on a tangent about how NASA is bullshit, science sucks, space exploration benefits no one, and galaxy pictures have "no relevance to daily life". And the moon landing was faked. Ok, he didn't take it that far. I wish! Maybe next outburst. This book needs more conspiracy theorists. And bullies. And paisley. Maybe a few Cosby sweaters. I'm gonna have a whole wishlist to send to Mr. Pike!</p><p>Dan segues into talking about Mentor and, oddly, his buddies don't heckle him. He sets up the gemstones and channels Mentor for everyone to hear. He talks about God, the periodic table of elements (again, this is supposed to thrill teens?), yantra, akasha (don't ask), and the seven centres of the body. Spine, groin, gut, heart, throat, forehead, crown. Dan's mind E X P A N D S !</p><p>The next day, no one clearly remembers what had happened. Dan checks in with his friends. Sal seems to have superhuman strength. Jimmy can somehow see a bag of gold buried 3 feet underground one mile away. </p><p>The girls don't seem to have any special symptoms... but wait! Gale fell and cut herself. Teri gives her a head massage and her cuts heal instantly. Shena begs Teri to try to heal her face, but it doesn't work. </p><p>They contact Mentor. Jimmy wants to know if he can keep the gold he found. Sal wants to use his strength to play football. Mentor can only guide. He can't control what they do. Dan envisions 6... I dunno - <em>things </em>which represent all of them. But one is different: <em>vaguely reptilian</em>. Suuuuure. Now you bring the lizards into it! There's only 30 pages left. God, I only ask for one thing, Pike: <u>lizard</u> <u>aliens</u> and you do it half-assed! And Mentor WON'T fix Shena's face. Now is not the time. Shena freaks out in anger and runs away.</p><p>Dan searches the woods for 3 hours before stopping to drink from a tranquil woodland stream. The water is red. He notices that Jimmy is facedown in the water with his head bashed in. Dan runs back to the cabin, meeting Gale on the way. There are so many suspects. Angry Shena, Super-strength Sal, Dan himself unknowingly being controlled by Mentor. Or, like, anyone else for any reason that could possibly materialize in this plot. </p><p>Shena still hasn't shown up back at the cabin, so Sal gets his gun and heads a search party to find her. Everyone pretty much thinks she attacked and killed Jimmy. They find her in a cave and Sal shoots her in the side. He says that she made a lizard tongue of flames try to burn him. Ok, guys, I think it's time to take the gun AWAY from Sal. The kids carry Shena out of the woods and take her to the hospital. </p><p>At the hospital a bunch o' stuff (finally!!!) happens. Sal tries to run from cops and gets shot and killed. Teri uses all of her healing life force to bring Shena back from her terminal life-support gunshot wound condition... and dies. Holy crap, it's a mass massacre (of characters that were, like, barely necessary to the story). </p><p>Later, Dan is typing the whole story of the Star Group and Mentor to send to Shena via modem. Gale shows up and takes control of Dan's free will. She forces him to keep typing. Dan compares Gale to a snake. Gale says that she mangled Shena's face on purpose so she would look scaly and Dan would suspect her of being the evil reptile and not Gale. </p><p>And you remember how Gale wasn't a virgin? Turns out she's slept with EVERYONE. <em>Sal</em>! <em><strong>Jimmy</strong></em>!! <em><u><strong>Shena</strong></u></em>!!! She blackmailed them all into keeping quiet. </p><p>Gale wants Dan to shoot himself. He is compelled to shoot his right thigh. Now Gale tells him he can: A) Kill himself, or B) Become evil with Gale for the next billion years and kill Shena at the first opportunity. Dan sends his story off to Shena, then shoots himself in the mouth. </p><p>The epilogue is Shena at the fivefold funeral. Everyone is dead now. She is the only survivor. Her face is back to perfection from Teri's healforce. She has Dan's story on her computer and has kept it secret. No one needs to know what happened because she, Shena, was the real mastermind who set all this shit up to stop Gale, and just figured that her friends wouldn't mind being sacrificed for the cause. Or something.<br /><br /><br />So, that's <strong>The Star Group</strong>. Back next week with <strong>Final Friends: The Party. </strong></p>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06672093730049923294noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5734839095698218552.post-29022795188561387302008-10-19T21:20:00.004-03:002008-10-19T21:34:09.736-03:00The Anti-Pike II: More Stuff That I ReadThe jeezly book is called <strong>Heads</strong>. After that, how can anything go right?<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgph4JBF9NTDzDqdSCmTs3IOE2yyAfD0b_r_q6zLAHbLop9pT-uCjUENOs97VUwVCKg9anyLES8frdlvp2R8UDJ8di4bFcbmjwsq3caKTZMN2bd9d8fAumxZ-n6t5DofouVmn3loHsWipY/s1600-h/Picture+034.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5259013700273420466" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgph4JBF9NTDzDqdSCmTs3IOE2yyAfD0b_r_q6zLAHbLop9pT-uCjUENOs97VUwVCKg9anyLES8frdlvp2R8UDJ8di4bFcbmjwsq3caKTZMN2bd9d8fAumxZ-n6t5DofouVmn3loHsWipY/s400/Picture+034.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>So, a neuroscientist, John, and Susan, his girlfriend/research assistant, have an enjoyable life together somewhere in possibly DC, or maybe just nearby.<br /><br />John is mangled and burnt in a car crash. His prognosis is poor. Michael, a brain science researcher working on top secret shiz for the government, has been working on getting John to come work with him and share his research. John doesn't like the secrecy, and prefers to work alone.<br /><br />Michael's work actually involves removing heads offa near-dead candidates in order to increase brain function from the standard 10%, which apparently is easy to do once heads don't have bodies to worry about.<br /><br />Of course, Michael illegally enrolls critically injured John into the program so he can force him to continue his research. The deal is that you're listed as dead, buried, and only your head survives in this secret lab.<br /><br />In addition, Michael convinces Susan to come work for him, to help sort out John's research as his head comes up with new stuff. She's not allowed into the wing with the heads, and has no idea what the project is all about or that John is still technically alive. Michael starts sleeping with Susan, natch, much to the chagrin of his business associate, Katherine, who is his girlfriend. But Susan is irresistible, what with her "slender, full-bosomed body" and her "long leggy casual look". Yeah, I know I can never look at long legs without thinking how appropriate they are for informal occasions.<br /><br />There's a whole team of lab scientists, including Toni, an Asian-American (God, not "Asiatic" or "Oriental". I know this thing was published in '85, but wow, that seems out of date!) lesbian, and Al, a giant man who can imitate any voice. I swear, these people are only there to set up more horrible sex talk/fantasies. Ie: women's chests "thrusting" against their shirts (I can't lie, there's a lotta pump action in that area), "pubic contour" (whoa, sexy! that is such arousing language.... not), and "his buttocks like marble". Why do these authors always have to bring the marble buttocks into it???<br /><br />Eventually Susan gets suspicious and steals a keycard to break into the heads area. She is shocked and disgusted by what she finds. John's head viciously taunts her, telling her to unzip his neck thingy and check out his stump if she really wants to be grossed out. But you know what though? I don't think Susan wants to be grossed out. That wasn't really her intention when she went in there.<br /><br />Since this whole thing is government-sponsored, Susan is put under constant surveillance in case she wants to, you know, tell anyone about the heads. And, because she already knows what's up there, she's given access to see John and the other heads whenever she wants.<br /><br />John is trying to find a way to break into the 1985 internet and post his research findings, and blow the whistle on what's going on in this hospital. He finds the password, and is too threatening, so the other doctors kill him.<br /><br />With John gone, Susan is considered a loose cannon. The only thing to do is to remove her head so they can keep her intelligence and knowledge, and not have to worry about, like, anything else.<br /><br />Susan sets a fire in the OR right before her decapitation, and escapes. She knocks out Katherine, Michael's lady friend, and steals her doctor duds so she can escape unnoticed. Al, the other doctor, comes upon Katherine's unconscious body and, deciding that he never really liked her, disguises her as Susan and makes Michael unknowingly decapitate his own girlfriend.<br /><br />Yeah, that's the ending. I did read this start to fin, by the way. Now I need to, like, compost this thing so I never run across it again. Stay tuned for <strong>The Star Group</strong> on Thursday - it's the worst. I would friggin' kill the shit out of it... if I knew how. And start getting excited for <strong>Final Friends</strong>, coming up Halloween week.</div>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06672093730049923294noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5734839095698218552.post-70646351848699736072008-10-16T20:00:00.002-03:002008-10-17T08:26:24.833-03:00The Immortal<div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"></div><br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">The Goddess wanted a human body....<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBjTYmPQh52_wUQ0lWft9QYqCnplHaF1ou4mbSc8MPR42a5QryvxeFrlrSzv6NHp1yjAWZeBTWyTfLgVGtJ_1IlQ96e6CvXFuX3UNVyWDZSxHYuvZC4mNFaSE9AWIPUTP3FCaCMnYvSoY/s1600-h/n14747.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5257743341119313090" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBjTYmPQh52_wUQ0lWft9QYqCnplHaF1ou4mbSc8MPR42a5QryvxeFrlrSzv6NHp1yjAWZeBTWyTfLgVGtJ_1IlQ96e6CvXFuX3UNVyWDZSxHYuvZC4mNFaSE9AWIPUTP3FCaCMnYvSoY/s400/n14747.jpg" border="0" /></a></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">The ancient artifact was cursed.</div><br /><br />The Immortal - Christopher Pike<br />1993, 213 pages<br /><br /><br /><strong>The Immortal:</strong> It's a book, and, like, stuff happens. I stopped taking notes halfway through because I was too busy watching election results and being depressed. So, this recap <em>could</em> be kinda iffy. I apologize in advance.<br /><br />GODS:<br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Sryope</span> - awesome storyteller, daughter of a muse<br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Phthia</span> - father unknown<br /><br />MORTALS:<br />Josie - almost died a year ago from some kind of cardiac condition<br />Helen - almost died a year ago from a suicide attempt<br />Tom - Oxford student who chills in Greece during his vacations<br />Pascal - French guy, Tom's buddy<br />Josie's Dad - washed-up Hollywood screenwriter<br />Silk - Josie's dad's girlfriend, booze-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">aholic</span><br /><p></p><p>Back in the time of Greek gods there were two friends, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Sryope</span> and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Phthia</span>. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Sryope</span> liked this guy, and so did <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Phthia</span>. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Phthia</span> made the guy swear a pledge to be faithful only to her. I don't remember the details, but basically she started screwing everyone and he was sad and lonely. So <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Sryope</span> challenged <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">Phthia</span> to a storytelling competition. If <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">Phthia</span> lost, she would release the guy from his oath, so he and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">Sryope</span> could hook up.</p><p><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">Sryope</span> gathered a crowd and told a crazy story about a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Furies">Fury</a> disguising itself as a dude and knocking up a goddess. This hits a sore spot with <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">Phthia</span>, since that's the story of her own parentage, and being half-Fury would REALLY be frowned upon. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">Phthia</span> goes ballistic and runs off, losing by default. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">Sryope</span> and dude are free to be together... or are they??<br /><br />In the present, Josie is on a flight from L.A. to Athens, along with her dad, dad's lady friend "Silk", and Josie's <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">BFF</span> Helen. They're flying Swiss Air. I'm going to segue outta <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">Pikeland</span> for 2 seconds and tell ya that <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swissair_Flight_111">Swiss Air flight 111 </a>actually CRASHED into the ocean near where I live. It was 10 years ago last month, which is crazy to believe, because it happened the night before my very first day of high school. I'm getting <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">oooold</span>.<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">Aaaannnd</span> back to the story! Let's get the parallels out of the way. Helen used to have a boyfriend, Ralph. They kind of broke up, then Josie and Ralph dated. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">Scandalicious</span>! Helen was weird about it for a while, but it's all good now that's Ralph's moved away. There's more to come on the boy front, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">btw</span>. Also, Josie's a master storyteller. The only reason her dad's career isn't totally in the can is because she helps him with ideas. For example, right now he's working on this thing about the future, and humans, and aliens, and earth is destroyed and the spaceship captain's wife is leaving him, now he's gonna have a tender moment with an alien woman (named <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22">Vani</span>, same as in <a href="http://likepike.blogspot.com/2008/07/tachyon-web.html">The Tachyon Web</a>), and blah blah I am so tired of this unnecessary crap every single book and I won't be speaking of it again.<br /><br />So, they arrive in Athens and take another flight to the island of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_23">Mykonos</span>. Helen met a guy, Tom, when she vacationed in Greece last year and can't wait to see him again. Tom works in a bar on the beach, which is convenient because Josie almost drowns and he saves her. To Helen's anger and chagrin, Tom and Josie bond. Josie wants Tom's bod and doesn't even care who gets hurt. Whoa. Drama.<br /><br />The girls make a date with Tom and his friend Pascal. The four of them hang out until late. Pascal leaves first. Helen wants Josie to leave too, but Josie pretty much says that she's a California girl and she wants to bang Tom, so suck it, Helen because Josie isn't going anywhere.<br /><br />Tom pays more attention to Josie than Helen, so Helen figures that since she can't out-interesting Josie, she's going to out-drink her. Helen orders many scotch and sodas, then PUKES all over the floor/Tom's sandals. Josie estimates the vomit volume at a half-gallon. That's a pretty precise Imperial measurement. I can't even look at puke long enough to assess the amount, so good on Josie, I guess.<br /><br />They carry Helen out of the bar, and Josie tries to kiss Tom. He responds by running away.<br /><br />Josie and Helen make it back to the hotel and go to bed. Josie dreams about wearing a toga and being served as a goddess would be. She wakes up with no hangover and believes that her dream kept her from feeling the effects of her <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_24">boozin</span>'.<br /><br />The plan for the day is to visit the nearby island of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_25">Delos</span>. It's uninhabited and covered in ruins. Josie touches the pillars and feels an electric jolt. There's something special about the place. Helen had noticed it too, when she came here after her suicide attempt. <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">"Things change when you almost die."</span><br /><br />Back at the hotel, Helen naps, so Josie takes the opportunity to go see Tom. She wants to go out with him... alone. Then she realizes she's being "horribly bitchy" to Helen about the whole situation. Hello! Helen has a history with this guy, and yer <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_26">bein</span>' a ho, Jo.<br /><br />When Helen wakes up, she says she'd like to call Tom and Pascal to go out again. Really? You <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_27">friggin</span>' chucked all over Tom's <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_28">sandaled</span> feet. I would avoid someone <strong>forever</strong> if I did that. For-ever... For-ever...<br /><br />Josie tries to convince Helen that Pascal is interested in her, to make her back up <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_29">offa</span> Tom. This conversation has the potential to go really sour, but Helen changes the topic by insulting Josie's dad. Hey, whatever works to keep the friendship alive. And from what I've heard, he actually is <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">"such a hack".</span><br /><br />Josie naps before they go out. You know, there's a lot of sleeping in this book. Naps, full night sleeps, the works. The first couple sleep sequences were DREAMLESS. Then it took a turn for the severely lamer and now it's <u>ALL DREAMS</u>. How dare Pike fake me out with no dreams, then - suddenly - dreams!<br /><br />This dream is about the origin of Apollo, and Josie is a goddess, and she's praying to other gods to get help for her human devotees. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_30">Whatevs</span>.<br /><br />So, the four of them go out again. Josie tells Helen that she spoke to Tom earlier and made plans to pretty much ditch Pascal and Helen together and go off alone. Helen screams that Ralph (remember, the old boyfriend they shared?) died of natural causes last year after he moved. She didn't tell Josie because she didn't deserve to know. These girls are the worst best friends ever!<br /><br />Helen storms off, so Josie and Tom take a romantic row boat ride. Tom's rowing, and they're talking, and it's so nice... then shit gets real. The wind picks up and their oar floats away and Tom tries to swim after it and is carried out of sight. Josie, alone in the boat, tries to bail out water and, like, not die. She washes up on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_31">Delos</span>, which is totally deserted at night. She climbs the embankment and sees the ruins in the moonlight. Except... they're not ruins. It's all brand new and there's people. What. Josie walks toward the archeologist's shed for shelter, but the people there think she's a goddess and want to serve her.<br /><br />When Josie awakens, she finds the island in the same condition that it's always been: old and crumbly. Next to her, there's a small statue of a goddess. Josie feels connected to the statue and comes up with a plan to sneak it off the island and keep it.<br /><br />She waits for the tour boats to come over, then goes back to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_32">Mykonos</span> on one of the return trips. Her dad just happens to be on the beach talking to a police officer. There are boats everywhere searching for her. Tom is <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_33">ok</span>, and he's out looking for her with Helen and Pascal.<br /><br />Turns out that while Tom frantically searched the seas for Josie's body, Pascal and Helen flirted and rubbed each other with lotion. Um, inappropriate much? <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_34">BFF</span> is presumed dead, and this is how Helen acts? While she's supposed to be looking for the body!?!? The good thing is Josie is alive and now she can have Tom all to herself!!<br /><br />Josie and Tom celebrate their survival by going to a secluded nude beach. Josie gets naked right away, but Tom won't and actually runs away from her. God, what is up with this guy? Josie says something rottenly bitchy, like that she knows about him and Pascal being lovers. But apparently that's not it. Tom just doesn't want to do anything without condoms.<br /><br />Josie shows Tom the statue she'd stolen from <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_35">Delos</span>, but she won't let him touch it. She thinks that if he touched it, he would die.<br /><br />Back at the hotel, they have a "Josie Lives" celebratory BBQ. Silk and Helen make burgers and chicken and lamb and other foodstuffs. Afterwards, it's either night or <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_36">naptime</span> because Josie's all up in dreamland's grill... AGAIN. She dreams of the goddesses. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_37">Sryope</span> is on trial for the murder of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_38">Phthia</span>. B-b-but how? <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_39">Phthia</span> is a goddess, how could she ever be killed? She is immortal.<br /><br />When Josie wakes up, she is in terrible pain. She goes for a walk, and calls Tom when she gets home. He's also ill. Josie rushes to his place to find him in awful shape. Pascal takes them both to the medical centre. While Tom is being examined, Josie collapses and resumes her dream:<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_40">Sryope</span> is questioned about her friendship with <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_41">Phthia</span>, her relationship with the dude they both wanted, and her interference in the lives of humans. There are about 2000 modern day humans that she helps and inspires with their creative lives. The lawyer, or who/whatever is questioning her, brings out hidden camera footage of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_42">Sryope</span> innocently helping Josie's dad with his screenwriting, helping Josie with school <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_43">assignments</span>, etc.<br /><br />But then this trial shit gets real: the lawyer presents footage of Josie and Helen having a sleepover. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_44">Sryope</span> comes in from the ceiling, reaches into Josie's chest and grabs her heart, drags her to the can, makes her empty a bunch of pill capsules into a cup of water, drags her back to Helen's side, and forces Josie to force Helen to drink it. This hardcore heart-grabbing is what caused Josie's medical troubles last summer.<br /><br />And it gets worse. There are images of Helen in a hospital bed, gravely ill. While holding <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_45">Phthia</span> by a noose of thorns, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_46">Sryope</span> descends from the ceiling, spits on Helen, which causes her monitors to all go crazy, then shoves <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_47">Phthia</span> into Helen's body. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_48">Phthia</span> is now mortal!<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_49">Sryope</span> knows she is innocent, and that the only type of being who could do this <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_50">shapeshifting</span> thing is a Fury, like <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_51">Phthia's</span> father. Who also carries a noose of thorns. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_52">Sryope</span> can't prove her innocence, so she must be sentenced.<br /><br />She is to be given the same fate she forced upon <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_53">Phthia</span>: to become mortal. She is pulled through space and time, and put into Josie's body, as she lies in the hospital.<br /><br />Josie wakes up in the hospital. Helen is by her side. Josie asks Helen what she did, poison them or what? Helen says she ground up glass and added it to Josie's BBQ burgers. Josie and Tom's insides have been finely shredded and there's no way to repair it.<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_54">Phthia</span>, as Helen, is still pissed that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_55">Sryope</span> told that story about the goddess with a Fury for a father. She enlisted her Fury father to help her set up <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_56">Sryope</span> for revenge, now she needs to pay her father back by giving him what he wants: human flesh. She plans to sacrifice Pascal on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_57">Delos</span>... tonight! Just like she sacrificed Ralph a year ago when she first became mortal!<br /><br />Josie writes a letter to her dad, telling him how to end his screenplay and telling him that she's gonna die. She tells Tom what's going on, and even though he thinks it's <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_58">hella</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_59">farfetched</span>, he leaves the hospital with her. They steal a boat and drive to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_60">Delos</span>. Tom is really sick by the time they get there, but Josie is able to climb to where Helen and Pascal are.<br /><br />Helen has a gun and has mesmerized Pascal into thinking the gun is her. Like, touch the gun, lick the gun, kiss the gun. I don't get this book sometimes. Josie distracts Helen with the flash from her camera, then shoots her 6 times in the chest. Gun shooting, not photography shooting. That wouldn't be effective in this situation at all.<br /><br />Since Josie took the goddess statue from <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_61">Delos</span>, it's turned from stone into crystal. She cracks it open and it's full of fluid. Her blood. She gives it to Tom to drink, saving his life. Then Josie's body dies, with <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_62">Sryope</span> inside.<br /><br /><br />There's a bunch more stuff throughout the book about the gods, but it's way too detailed for me to mess with in this recap. I wasn't thrilled with this one. For an entirely different and much much more entertaining piece of fiction about the Greek gods and goddesses, check out <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Gods-Behaving-Badly-Marie-Phillips/dp/0316067628">Gods Behaving Badly</a> by UK author Marie Phillips. That's all for now!! </p>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06672093730049923294noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5734839095698218552.post-20683585838349831512008-10-11T13:45:00.003-03:002008-10-19T21:29:02.632-03:00The Anti-Pike: Other Stuff That I Read<img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5255720578017515154" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjquZIsiGrSzNKCTdMgKN1qPZHZdw48wpCnDso-sSf0sWEV0fJ0kFa3xu9SyxunnHznWdY5RTI6X7stGrmj6borB4-PFlsMqR5RVnvVThuWA8fTQw_tvB23ahUAFArmovYiRfzI2K3QgEs/s200/bangs.jpg" border="0" /><br />Reading is educational.<br />Reading is fun.<br />Reading the following books<br />Just <u>SHOULDN'T BE DONE!</u><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.amazon.ca/Original-Sin-Nina-Bangs/dp/0505523248"><strong>An Original Sin</strong> by Nina Bangs</a>. <em>Bangs</em>. And she writes raunchy romance novels. Strike one.<br /><br />This thing turned up at my workplace book drive, which sent me on weeks-long mission to discover which of my co-workers was the donor and original owner of <strong>An Original Sin</strong>.<br /><br />I made a list of suspect co-workers based on who I thought would most enjoy a story of the devil, bored, and in cat form, sending both a 1700s Scottish warrior-guy and a woman who lives in the year 2300 where men are extinct, to the year 2000 where they find conflict and romance as the devil cat stirs shit up between them.<br /><br />I spoke to each suspect, telling them I had a great idea for a story I wanted to write, then I described the plot of <strong>An Original Sin</strong>. I waited for someone to say: <em>"Hey, I already read a book with that plot. It's called <strong>An Original Sin</strong> by Nina Bangs. Actually, you might like it. There's an unwanted copy in the book drive box, if you want to check it out."</em> I never found out who donated it, by the way. I feel that this person probably knows I only want to make fun of her and has taken steps to throw me off her trail.<br /><br />So, I stole the book from the sale leftovers and keep it at my desk, where I sometimes hold random read-alouds from the text. It is bad. It's not even the fun kind of raunch-tastic bad. It's almost not even readable, mainly because all the guy's dialogue is written in a treacherous Scottish accent, which makes Ann M. Martin's Logan Bruno accent look competent.<br /><br />Accent Example: <em>"Ye could drain a man dry wi' only yer stare... If I dinna please ye, I might leave yer bed wi' my manhood a wee shriveled berry."</em><br /><br />The whole book, guys, the WHOLE BOOK is like this! And this is <em>me</em> complaining! I say "yer"! (Recently I've been trying to stop talking like a hick. No more yer and fer... also trying to pronounce 'about' more Americanly (a-b-ow-t), rather than 'a-boat' - not aboot! NEVER aboot! - but it's hard to change stuff like that. I digress...).<br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5255718362521896674" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivJEGqR7VqYQLcudC6_1DJW1LBosqOdwrqoeLMCEw0b9BdYTpnE0d3jNw9GG3r3xeFupKCE4_6q4lOylI2IKAaXwt9-d9jRs-HPdTAUNYU2ztNKAYj8xVWFBAQhDqqgNNqIXIi7Qd56H0/s400/bangs.jpg" border="0" />Hey, check that cover close up! Ok, I have spent literally hours looking at this cover (the book's been propped up in the corner of my cubie since last March), and that guy is not sexy. He looks like a goofball and his kilt thingy looks like a blanket my grandmother used to keep in the trunk of her car.<br /><br />The back cover tagline is: "<strong>MEN'S BODIES WERE HER BUSINESS.</strong>" If that's not a line for daily usage about your ho-baggiest friends, I don't know what is.<br /><br />This book is mad ridiculous. I'm sorry if Nina Bangs happens to be, like, someone's aunt or something. The girl character is from the future, like I said. Men are extinct, and her job is to build custom man models for the women of the future. Her most popular models are <strong>Stud-Muffin Stuart</strong> (not joking!) and (it gets worse!) <strong>Hot and Horny Hal</strong>. The guy character is an old-fashioned ass of the highest order.<br /><br />Just to make it even more historically awesome, her name is Four-Two-N "Fortune" MacDonald. He is Leith Campbell. Lotta <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Massacre_of_Glencoe">bad blood</a> between those families. I guess I have to take this seriously now. Ok, it's pretty telling that I accidentally typed "not" instead of "now" like 3 times before my typing psyche would understand the sarcasm.<br /><br />And not to make out that I've read the whole book, because I totally haven't. But I have researched it to the max. Obviously, there's such a thing as romance novel fans. Then you have your time travel romance fans. And, even more specifically, you have your time travel romance fans who like it best when both partners travel through time. And these fans feel VERY strongly about their preferences.<br /><br />I was going to do two books, but I think I'll save the other one for next weekend. It's possibly even doozier (more of a doozy? you know what I mean) than this one.<br /><br />It's time for well-wishes: Canadians, enjoy your Thankgiving. Americans, enjoy observing Columbus day. Other citizens, just have a good one doin' what yer doin'. I'm going home for the weekend to freeload turkey, pie, and whatever other baked goods I can get into me. Visit <strong>Like Pike</strong> on<strong> Thursday</strong> to get the scoop on Pike's <strong>The Immortal</strong>.Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06672093730049923294noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5734839095698218552.post-60274230653495009532008-10-09T21:53:00.006-03:002008-10-10T07:48:14.031-03:00Whisper of Death<div align="center">They returned home to a dead world....<br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5254904143324806946" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFxkOqv2qgUNgLPAXk6byIJM6blWrnlkiVsZuT-92FkahHZb-hRg2Uq0-IsCEOg_Lwtmn2ZDgWFEJV6BlEgLwl_nRmhnFJbjcItVDCGi9pDn3yZT8X3GpCN1-2Ays77oC2kvtYBKM035U/s320/n14769.jpg" border="0" /><br /></div><div align="center">All the people had vanished.</div><p><br />Whisper of Death - Christopher Pike<br />1991, 180 pages<br /><br /><u>Characters, Dead</u><br />Betty Sue McCormick<br /><br /><u>Characters, Living (for now)</u><br />Roxanne Wells<br />Paul "Pepper" <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Pointzel</span><br />Stan Reese<br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Helter</span> Skater AKA <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Helter</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Skelter</span><br />Leslie Belle<br /><br />Pepper and Roxanne meet, flirt, and date. On their first date they go to a horror movie: <em>The Season of Passage</em>, about the second mission to Mars. Dropping names of as-yet unpublished future works, Pike? Yow! That takes <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">skillz</span>! After more dates, they go to Paul's aunt and uncle's horse barn to, um, <em>be alone</em> on the hay bales. You know what I mean.<br /><br />Pulling a Jamie Lynn Spears, teenage <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Rox</span> is knocked up. She tells the doctor she's not interested in an abortion, but when she tells Pepper the news, he says he doesn't want to keep it.<br /><br />Soon the couple find themselves on a weekend trip to nearby Foster, AZ. Five hundred dollars later, Pepper waits in the clinic waiting room, while Roxanne waits on the operating table. She thinks about a classmate, Betty Sue McCormick, who committed suicide recently. BY BURNING. Suicide by burning. I think most people would agree that that is the most unrealistic thing about this book. Of all methods, burning? Get serious.<br /><br />Roxanne thinks about how Betty Sue's death was such a waste, then questions her own beliefs about the sanctity of life. She decides not to go through with the procedure, dresses, and leaves before the doctor returns.<br /><br />In the car, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Rox</span> tells Pepper that she didn't go through with it. He starts acting all distant and being an ass. Pepper falls asleep shortly after, while Roxanne keeps driving. She sees a figure on the side of the road. A shadowy-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">lookin</span>' thing dressed all in black with long, bright red hair. Red hair of a colour previously only seen on the head of one Betty Sue McCormick. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Rox</span> plans to stop for the hitchhiker, but the person disappears.<br /><br />They stop for gas at an <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">abandoned</span> gas station. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">Rox</span> tears out of there, thinking the place was being held up, due to the open till and empty premises. When the kids arrive home in Salem, AZ, it's still early morning. After dropping Pepper off at home, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">Rox</span> goes to her own place. Her dad is a long distance trucker who is never home and her mom split on them when <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">Rox</span> was only a few days old. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">Rox</span> soon finds that something strange is going on: the radio and <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">TV</span> are nothing but static, there are no cars on the road, no neighbours answer their doors, no phone calls are answered, and there aren't even any birds in the trees.<br /><br />Roxanne leaves home, and heads toward downtown, knocking on doors along the way. No one. Nothing. She collapses in the square in the centre of town.<br /><br />A while later, Pepper shows up with a theory about a possible town evacuation that they missed while they were in Foster not getting an abortion. Roxanne wonders if they're really all alone, when a voice behind them confirms that they are...<br /><br />Cliff-hanging chapters! Rare. First person narrative? Unheard of until <strong>Whisper of Death</strong>. And I've read 21 of Christopher Pike's books in the last 3 ½ months. This book is different. It feels different and it reads different. What gives?<br /><br />The voice belonged to Stan Reese, former child prodigy/school valedictorian, who is smart <em>and</em> cool. Someone pin a medal on this guy. Apparently he's one of those yearbook "Friend to All" types, smart without being a condescending jackass, and has a "rather major problem with his weight". Cool, I love literary <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">lardasses</span>. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">Rox</span> knows Stan from school, but doesn't think Pepper knows him.<br /><br />Stan reveals that his hobby is short wave radio... and none of his international friends are online. The whole world is empty! He guesses that maybe a warhead knocked out the communication satellites (or something) and that maybe there's a reason for their entire town to be empty... but probably not.<br /><br />Being alone in town, and possibly the world, there's only one thing for three teenagers to do... well, two, but surveys says: ROB A BANK!! I'm sure orgy was up there, too. Just not the #1 response.<br /><br />They break into a bank, only to be startled by gunshots. Roxanne's leg is grazed by a bullet. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">WTF</span>? Who beat them to it?!<br /><br />The shooter was <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">Helter</span> Skater, AKA <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">Helter</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">Skelter</span>, a local tough. The gang of four break into the drugstore for bandages, and are surprised when yet another student from their high school shows up. In walks <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">blonde</span>, beautiful Leslie Belle. And <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22">nevermind</span> that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_23">Rox</span> was just SHOT for <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_24">frick's</span> sake, because <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_25">horndog</span> Pepper is ALL up in Leslie's biz.<br /><br />Five people left in the world, and they decide to temporarily forget the bank robbing and B & E <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_26">Baskin</span> Robbins. That whole bank robbing thing was silly: if you're breaking and entering and there's no law enforcement around, who needs money (when you can have ice cream)?<br /><br />Over ice cream treats, they talk about what's happened. And how? Flying saucer? Another dimension? Dreaming? (<span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_27">Interruption</span> from me: "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_28">Nooooooooooooo</span>!") <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_29">Rox</span> mentions the disappearing hitchhiker she'd seen, bringing up the resemblance to B.S. McCormick.<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_30">Helter's</span> opinion is that Betty Sue was just a bitch. Stan liked Betty Sue. Leslie thought she was spooky. Pepper keeps quiet. Well, if nothing else, Betty Sue elicits a reaction from everyone and could possibly be the common denominator among everyone present. They decide to go to Betty Sue's house.<br /><br />Leslie and Betty Sue are neighbours and grew up together, but they had a falling out and haven't been friends in years. Inside Betty Sue's house is a trip. It's full of <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_31">religious</span> pictures featuring various bible characters and they're all bleeding. I'm picturing a <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0074285/">Carrie</a> type mother who forced recitation from her daughter: "Eve was weak! Eve was weak! Say it, woman!"<br /><br />Betty Sue's diary and some papers have been left out on her desk. They check her diary, which starts at age 10. The first entry describes Leslie's 10<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_32">th</span> birthday party. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_33">Awwww</span>. The diary goes on to wish death on a boy who called Betty Sue just "Betty", and it turns out he did die, horribly, of cancer.<br /><br />The diary also contains references to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_34">Helter</span> and Pepper. And kissing Pepper! <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_35">Rox</span> isn't pleased, and Pepper suggests that they look at Betty Sue's papers instead, and, like, drop the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_36">freakin</span>' diary already, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_37">ok</span>?<br /><br />There are stories written on the pages. The first one is <strong><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_38">LATI</span> BALL PUTS ON A MASK</strong>. It describes a beautiful girl who burns her face on birthday cake candles. Leslie Belle goes ballistic, grabs the diary and papers, and burns them in the gas stove. Singing maniacally, she runs outside into a desert sandstorm and starts shredding the rest of the papers. </p><p>Leslie comes out of it and says she's leaving town. She's scared and needs to get the hell out of there. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_39">Helter</span> wants to go with her, so they pack up a car, and go to the gas station. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_40">Helter</span> checks the tire pressure while Leslie fills the tank. She walks away and lights a smoke, which is odd because she's never smoked before, then comes back to the pump. The gas nozzle falls out and sprays everywhere, and in her surprise, the cigarette falls out of her mouth. Roxanne and Pepper go flying in a whoosh of flames. Leslie gets cooked. Stan says: "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_41">Lati</span> Ball blew out her candles." </p><p>Stan tries reading what was left of Betty Sue's diary when he pulled it out of the gas stove. It says "I have done so much for her. I made her what she is" about Leslie. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_42">Helter</span> remembers that Leslie used to be ugly. Like <em>dog</em> ugly. She should have advertised for an alibi in the want ads, because she, like, totally needed one. He even used to throw rocks at her. Then suddenly she turned pretty. Which apparently Betty Sue caused. </p><p>Stan was kinda friends with Betty Sue too. He tells the group that her main hobby was to trap butterflies in glass jars and watch them die from the greenhouse effect. And love it. She got a total kick out of the butterflies not realizing they were in jars and that there was no possibility of escape. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_43">Eeeeee</span>-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_44">villll</span>!!!</p><p>The wind has picked up, but they decide to go back to Betty Sue's neighbourhood to look for scraps of the stories Leslie had ripped up. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_45">Rox</span> makes an amateur mistake and goes into the house alone. <em>"I felt something tighten around my throat. A garrote of silver wire spun from a nightmare recorded in black ink on a page of white notebook paper."</em> Isn't that just neat as hell to read?</p><p><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_46">Rox</span> sees a red and black blurry shadow thing in the mirror. Betty Sue!! She screams and runs outside to find <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_47">Helter</span> and Pepper chasing after the red shadow thing, and Stan piecing together stories. His theory? Betty Sue wrote them into an empty world. </p><p>Stan also tells Roxanne, confidentially, that, according to the diary, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_48">Helter</span> had raped Betty Sue. Roxanne - the bitch - immediately goes into victim-blaming overdrive, suggesting that Betty Sue made him do it. Stan's managed to piece a story back to readability. It's called <strong>HOLT SKATER TAKES A WALK</strong>. In it, Holt walks along a wall until it's very thin and razor sharp, then he slips and slices his whole body into two pieces, balls first. It sounds like Betty Sue wants to punish <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_49">Helter's</span> junk. </p><p>Wanting to share the info, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_50">Rox</span> and Stan follow Pepper and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_51">Helter</span> to the schoolyard, where they're breaking into the gym to follow the Betty Sue shadow thing. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_52">Rox</span> observes that it seems like the guys aren't acting of their own will and thinks that B.S.'s forces are forcing them to chase her.</p><p>Being in the gym reminds <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_53">Rox</span> of her one experience involving Betty Sue. It happened in the locker room showers. Roxanne and Betty Sue were alone, showering after all the other girls had left. Yeah, it's not <em>that</em> kind of story. I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_54">friggin</span>' wish! Betty Sue left the shower first, and on the way slipped a bar of soap into Roxanne's hand. It was carved in the shaped of a tiny curled up baby. </p><p>Roxanne followed Betty Sue to the lockers and saw B.S. drawing on her own reflection in the mirror with bright red soap, drawing a jar shape around her gut and colouring it in. </p><p>In the gym, the kids split up to look around. Suddenly, they hear <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_55">Helter</span> screaming. He'd been startled by his reflection and starting shooting the mirror with his shotgun. He grabbed for the pistol in his belt, and accidentally set it off, shooting himself in the groin. Actually, why am I being delicate? I should be honest and just tell you that his manhood was essentially destroyed. </p><p>The pain is too great and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_56">Helter</span> begs for someone to end it. The guys don't have the balls - well, they still have <em>their</em> balls... let's say they don't have the <em>guts</em> - to do it, so Roxanne sends them away. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_57">Helter</span> admits that he'd raped Betty Sue, but that she'd been inside his head that night making him do stuff. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_58">Rox</span> shoots him in the head and ends his pain. </p><p>In the meantime, Stan had finished puzzle-piecing together the next story: <strong>SODA RADAR GOES TO SLEEP</strong>. Soda was a court jester for the queen. She told him he would be sold, so he stabbed himself in the heart with a needle and bled out. </p><p>Stan's a little <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_59">creeped</span> out and wants to be alone for a bit. Pepper and Roxanne kill time by buying a newspaper from one of those outdoor box things. But get this - it's tomorrow's paper! The headline is about the deaths of 5 local teens. It describes the deaths of Leslie and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_60">Helter</span> and Stan, but says to turn the page for the rest. Wait a tick! Stan? But he's not dead ye- oh. </p><p><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_61">Rox</span> rushes to where Stan is, only to find that he's cut his wrists and is on the brink of dying. He has enough juice left to tell <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_62">Rox</span> that B.S. was pregnant when she died. She'd told him that day, then killed herself that night. </p><p>The original two read the last story: <strong>SALT AND PEPPER FOR SUPPER</strong>. The queen, like, invites Salt and Pepper to stay for supper, then tries to kill them or something, and Salt gets pissed and shoves Pepper, who lands on the queen's fork and dies of impalement. </p><p><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_63">Rox</span> and Pepper go back to where it all began: his aunt and uncle's hay barn. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_64">Rox</span> badgers him about Betty Sue. Did he sleep with her? Did he? <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_65">Diiiiid</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_66">heeee</span>??? Well, it turns out that he did. Before AND after he started dating Roxanne. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_67">Rox</span> flips and shoves him into the hay... where he lands on a pitchfork and dies of impalement. </p><p>All alone, Roxanne walks back to Betty Sue's house and sits at her desk. She writes and writes, recording the entire story of what's happened. All of a sudden, Betty Sue herself shows up at the door, telling <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_68">Rox</span>: <em>"Write as I speak. Record everything."</em> </p><p>Betty Sue explains: <em>"I was the one in your womb. I came back for you. You were pregnant with me." </em>B.S. had come back to kill Roxanne, but first <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_69">Rox</span> needed to have that abortion. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_70">Rox</span> tells her that, uh, she didn't actually have it, so... fallacy?</p><p>B.S. was in love with Pepper. She'd come around that night and seen <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_71">Rox</span> and Pep rolling in the hay. And it <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_72">huurrrttttt</span>!! She'd made Roxanne feel the same pain by making her push Pepper onto the pitchfork and killing him. </p><p><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_73">Rox</span> argues that this is all bullshit, because she didn't go through with it, but Betty Sue has some new information. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_74">Rox</span> is still on the table. She's bleeding and the doctor doesn't think she'll make it. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_75">Rox</span> has been writing through all this, and now Betty Sue reminds her to keep writing or else she's gonna stab her in the abdomen. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_76">Rox</span> stops and Betty Sue stabs her with a needle, straight through the gut.</p><p>Epilogue time! Pepper's in the waiting room. He can't believe what a tool he is! Getting two girls pregnant in two months. There's a mistake for ya. Well, at least Betty Sue killed herself, and now Roxanne is aborting. All will be well, again. </p><p>There's a clamour in the operating room. Roxanne is dying on the table. Pepper freaks out and starts crying. </p><p>Laying there, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_77">Rox</span> had a sensation of dreaming away. She left her body and walked away. Out past crying Pepper, and into the light. </p><p>Pepper drives home, on the way stopping for a hitchhiker with bright red hair. She looks familiar, but not really. She's going to Salem, too. Soon after she gets in the car, she starts stabbing Pepper with a fork. Not too hard, but Pepper, like most people in that situation, wants to know what the frig she's doing. She wants to repay him for the ride by cooking him supper. He says no, but she thinks she has ways of convincing him...<br /><br /><br />Come around this weekend to check out some of the treacherously cheesy books that I read when I'm not reading Christopher Pike. Next week, I'm back on schedule with <strong>The Immortal. </strong>See you soon!</p>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06672093730049923294noreply@blogger.com25